Possibly.

But No Solution

At this point, he and I had been going at it for an hour. Sweat pouring out of our bodies as we clung to each other for life. Switching positions and making up for lost time. I hadn't felt this good or this tired in a while and I didn't want it to stop, but as the birds began singing their song, I knew our time was running out.

Moving to be on top of him, I slid his penis back inside of me. I throw my head back in pleasure at our skin to skin contact and start to move back and forth. The condom had since long gone.

This was always my favorite part of sex with him. I got to watch the ever changing facial expressions as varying levels of pleasure coursed through his body. However, this time was different. I pulled him up to me and kissed him with as much passion and concentration as I could. Then I stopped, to look him in the eye. I opened my mouth, then shut it, unsure of the right words to say.

"Can we- Can we try something that we've never done before?" I ask avoiding the confusion on his face.
"Uh, sure?" He replies with uncertainty.
"Well, I mean, this is the last time you and I will ever get to do this and so I just wanted to complete some fantasies and stuff that we've talked about but never did," I stammer before chickening out.
"Fantasies? What did you have in mind?" He asks while smirking and rubbing my hips.
"Well," I start but become too embarrassed to finish.
"What? It's okay. You can tell me what you want. I'll give you anything you want." He says.
I find this to be heartwarming, but it doesn't give me the courage to say what I want to say. I take a few deep breaths in attempts to find my composure. Once centered, I begin again.
"I would like for us to have sex in the shower." I whisper while avoiding his gaze.
"Are you serious?" He asks excitedly.
"Yeah," I respond shyly.
"Hell yes! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you," He shouts and squeezes me around the waist.
This makes me smile. The worrier in me was screaming that he would shame me for asking and say no. The fantasizer in me squealed with delight.
"Okay. Let me go turn on the hot water, then I'll come back and get you." He informs, then pulls out of me and leaves the room.

I bite the inside of my cheek out of nervousness. All of a sudden my vulnerability came rushing through my veins and I wanted nothing more than to hide under the covers. So that's what I did.

Plopping onto his pillow I realize how much it smells like him. How much everything in the room smells like him and this being the last time I'm going to have this with him saddens me. Squeezing it close to my body I envision for the millionth time what life would be like if he and I were together.

I see cute pictures and fun times before the sadness creeps it's way into the picture like a lethal injection into a death row inmate. I see the texts to and from other girls. I see their pictures and hear the rumors. I hear all of his words cutting through my soul like a knife saying that I'd never be good enough. I begin to cry. So hard that I don't even notice him reenter the room.

"Babe, what's wrong?" He says squeezing me through the blanket.
"I just don't want this to end. I love you. I love you more than anything." I choke out between sobs and gasping for air. He sighs deeply.
"We don't have to do this. We can just stay in bed and cuddle for a little while longer. I hate to see you hurting like this." He says sliding underneath the cover to pull me close.

Buried into his shoulder I just focus breathing and putting my sadness back in its box. I don't focus on the fact that he won't tell me he loves me. Instead I rub small circles on his back to calm myself down.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin the mood. I just didn't realize how much all of this stuff smelled like you and how much I actually miss you. Like I really fucking miss you. As much as I've complained about the shit you've done, you've helped me change and not be stuck in the situation I was in.