Possibly.

Cheaters Never Win

I wish I could say that that night was easily forgotten, but that would be a lie. I would also say that I kept true to my promise of not using Abel and his body to cope, but that would also be a lie. Truth is, as soon as the ball was dropped the yarn fully unraveled. But none of it compared to the knot in my stomach now.

I am torn between soaking up the high of Abel's touch or the toxicity of Xavier's presence. Both have my senses in overdrive and ultimately leave me nauseous. I can't seem to keep anything down.

My stomach cries for fulfillment while my throat begs for a break. I take sips of water and try to even my breathing. I know I have responsibilities to handle today, but I can't seem to get out of bed, for the second day in a row.

The crackers at my bedside call me one by one until I can sit up and not see stars. I want nothing more than to just be able to get up and move around, but my body is refusing. A soft knock comes to my door, and Alice peeks get head in before I can answer.

"Darling, I'm heading out, but I wanted to check on you before I left. Do you need anything?" she asks, leaning against the frame.

"Death. Bring me death," I groan, my throat still so incredibly raw. She sighs and pushes past the items on my floor to place a moisturized hand on my forehead.

"You don't have a fever. What did you eat that's got you sick like this?" she asks, peering down at me frustrated like my being ill is impacting her schedule. I can only muster a shrug, knowing that currently the thought of eating anything would send me right over the edge.

"Well, I'll make sure to bring you some soup later and check in on you when I get back," she says leaving my door open when she walks away.

I hear my phone buzz on the stand, but don't reach out to touch it. Too weak to focus on anything except keeping these crackers down and my mind alive. It's when the urge to pee comes that I'm up out of bed and relieving myself on the toilet.

Lack of good sleep has left me feeling a little icky, and I grab some tissue to blow my nose. I look over in the bin preparing to toss and freeze seeing the empty tampon box sitting in the trash. Closing my eyes I attempted to rack my brain for when my last period was.

Drawing a blank, I snatch my phone from my nightstand and immediately call my doctor's office. I count the number of rings in time with each breath knowing if I didn't the room would cave in on itself. Just before I hang up a voice answers.

"Dr. Semi's office. How my I help you?" They ask but are met with silence.

My mouth is open, but the sound is stuck in my brain. They ask again, but the rush of saliva commutes quicker than my words and I just barely make it into the toilet bowl before I lose myself once again. The fumes make me want to throw up more but I'm too weak to move my head off my arm on the seat.

"Hello, do you need emergency services? Are you okay?" I hear a voice from the phone.

To this I fling myself to the floor and can only muster the energy to say the thing I wish I didn't have to say. She lets out a light laugh, and I can't help but burst into tears. She lets me sob until only shallow breaths remain.

"This is something serious, but you don't need to be afraid. We take care of all our patients here, regardless of how they got in that position." She coaches me through my breathing until I can confirm an appointment for today. When the line disconnects, I'm left alone with the buzz of the bathroom fan in my ears and disbelief on my lips.

It's my thoughts that begin to suffocate me at the realization that I'd done entirely too much thinking I could actually evade the consequences. Even more so realizing that it's no longer just me that could be impacted is scarier than anything I've ever faced. Abel comes to mind as a means for comfort, but I hesitate to dial.