Possibly.

With A Question

The storm seems to increase in its fury with the chances of the power coming back on becoming very slim. We're cuddled my back to his front, whispering things back and forth to each other. At this point due to his complaints, ("Your hair is in my mouth,") my hair has been forced into a high bun on top of my head. He has spent the last twenty minutes rubbing in circles on the love handle that protrudes from my side.

I hate the concept of the feeling, but his touch is so soft that I can't seem to make myself tell him to stop. He begins to move his circles over my stomach and up to my breasts. This makes me stifle a moan as he presses himself against me from behind. Out of habit I push back into him.

His lips find my neck again and he begins to suck gently. Slowly he turns me on to my back all the while grinding on my hips. This time I don't hold back and pull him within micrometers of my body. The warmth at my center combined with the electricity surging through my veins causes me to lose control of my lower half. He raises himself up to take my mouth with his own. I moan freely in this instant and make it a point to grab a hold of his bottom lip with my teeth and gently begin to suck.

His whimpers being the most encouraging, I slip my tongue into his mouth and caress what is waiting for me. Thunder loudly cackles while the rain continues to watch our private show. We attempt to touch and feel everything despite the layers of clothing between us.
I reach down between his legs and rub the erection that's pressed to my core.

He hisses, "Fuck, baby, that feels so good."
The instant his generic pet name hits my ears I freeze. Flashbacks of all times he told me he loved me began playing over in my head. Every sweet thing that convinced me he was just what I needed. Despite his tongue now massaging my neck and his hands exploring my thighs, my heart begins to sour in the recollection of the blatantly obvious cases that proved he didn't give a single fuck about me.

I wonder, then, how is it possible to pleasure someone so greatly who means absolutely nothing to you? How do you tell someone you want to see them as your wife and as the mother of your child one day, but not really mean it? How can you give yourself to someone and then walk away like it's nothing? He notices that I'm no longer paying attention to his antics.

"What's wrong?" He asks.
"Why do you give yourself to me even though you've committed yourself to someone else?" I retort while sitting up to face him.

He sighs.

"Why do you always ask me this?" He responds.

"Because it's all I think about. I don't want to think about it, but I do. I wonder every day of what you're doing, who you're doing it with, and why you don't want me. I think about every touch, kiss, and feeling you've given to me. I wonder if you have to squeeze your eyes shut in embarrassment for all the times I blatantly lied and used you, even though I haven't but that's what you've done to me.

I wonder why you always had to fuck your frustrations and emotions from other girls into me. I think about how hard it was for me to act like I didn't care that you were," I paused adding air quotes, "'never ready for a relationship' but would be with someone days later. I think about the way you've touched me. The way you've held me. The way you've made me smile.

I think about the panic attacks I've had at the thought of you. I think about why it's never been me. I know I'm not skinny, really pretty, or your kind of fun. I know that I talk to much and treat you like a kid more than a significant other. I know that I am hard to get along with because I always have to be right. I know that I'm not good enough to hang out with you and your friends. I know I don't know how to please you enough sexually. I know that I hate taking pictures and being out in public and at parties.

Everything in my life is a constant reminder that you won't love me or take a second look at me long enough to really realize that this never would've happened if you hadn't told me you loved me. I never thought in a million years that you could love me because I am not all of these things that you want. But I want to be. And it kills me that I can't.

I wanted more than anything up take care of you and love you like I've never loved anything or anyone and you don't see that. You see this short chubby girl that you've fucked a hundred times that really isn't pretty at all. You see someone who wouldn't ever be a part of your world even if they offered you theirs for the taking.

I don't want to feel like this. I absolutely hate being up at all hours of the night wondering if you're thinking about me and remembering that you're probably loving on her. She that has everything I don't and gets to hold you when she wants, and love you however she wants. She who gets claimed by you as the love of your life.

Why wasn't I ever good enough for you? Why is it that, for all of the reasons that you don't want me, and refuse to be with me, you still give yourself to me? I know you have emotions that you want to take out on me because you don't like to talk things out. That's never been fair.

I ask this every time I'm with you because every time you touch me I have butterflies and can feel where you've touched me hours later because my skin is on such an alert.

If you want me to be completely honest, I'm a recovering addict. My addiction was, still is, and always will be you. It will be you despite all of the times I cried until I couldn't breathe or I just couldn't sleep and wanted you. You're what I wake up to, what I think about when I shower, and when I have dinner at night. You're always on my mind.

As easy as it is for you to move on like what we had wasn't anything, it's not easy for me. I don't think it will ever be. And I'm starting to find ways to be okay with that. "

I open my eyes to see complete darkness surrounding me. The silence becomes deafening as the time goes by. I cannot tell if he's still looking at me, but I can feel the tension in the air. He makes the choice not to speak, but pulls me into what feels like his chest.

He begins by rocking us slowly back and forth. As my tears begin to dry, he slowly caresses my faces. I realize then, that I should take the opportunity to have him one last time. After tonight I'll have to let him go.