Back Home | A Josh Ramsay/Marianas Trench fan fiction

Chapter 1: Joshs POV

"This ain't no drunk dial
Ain't no words that I'll forget
In the mornin'
Still mean everything I said
I know it's late and I ain't called in a while
But this ain't no drunk dial"
-A Thousand Horses

My head spun from a thousand thoughts and one too many beers. Nothing like a heart ache to jumpstart my demons. I sat in my sisters living room. Sara and her kids were fast asleep while I drank myself into numbness on her couch. I had other alternatives. Many other alternatives. I could go to Matt's or Brett's. I could hit up some old friends. Or I could go crawling back to Amanda on my bloody knees. This was the safest place for me to be.

Along the mantel Sara had framed photos of nearly every family member known to us Ramsay's. Including photos of me. I stumbled over to get a better look at one that was propped against the wall, hidden behind a few others. I couldn't help but smirk as I looked at myself. It was the early days of Ever After. My hair had been a greased up ball of black and blue. Standing beside me in the picture was a short girl with obnoxiously curly brown hair. Together we looked almost like a freak show act with me at 6'2" hovering over a foot taller than her.

Her name rested on the tip of my tongue. We looked happy. In the photograph my arms wrapped around hers as we both made obscure faces. We had been at a carnival or something because I held cotton candy and we hugged a plush bear. I felt guilty about the affair. Nobody had ever found out, they assumed we were family friends. Which wasn't a lie. But we had our moments of greater bonding, all while in a committed relationship with Amanda. I guess this wasn't all her fault. Still nobody found out about it. Me and and whoever shared something special. And I gave it up I guess. I had to! At the time she was 17 and I was 26, that's not exactly approved of in our modern world. But damn her and I had something.

The floorboards moved and I quickly shoved the frame back on the mantel and pretended to look busy. "Are you still up?" Sara's voice resonated softly.

Insomnia. Of course I'm up. "Uh...no...ya." Okay, it sounded better in my head.

Sara made her way from the bedroom to where I stood by the window. She was still in her pajamas and her hair was a disaster. It reminded me of our childhood days. "She's not worth it Josh." She rested her head on my shoulder.

Well obviously she's worth something or I wouldn't be drinking to forget her! "Maybe." Or I could say that too I guess. She kept her head on my shoulder and we stared at the mantle in silence. I kept looking at the picture, hoping that I had put it back in its original spot. She didn't need to know I was thinking of an exs name. For all she knew I was thinking typical drunk thoughts, like sex and stuff.

"Do you remember her?" Sara's voice refocused my thoughts.

"It's been less than 24 hours. I'm not that drunk." I spoke without thinking.

She held back a laugh. "I mean Ashtyn."

Ashtyn! "That's her name!"

"So you do remember her? She was a cutie. You two were best friends huh?"

Ya. "More like a secret affair." I thought and spoke the opposite and quickly covered my mouth.

"I knew that." She smiled. "I liked her better than Amanda anyway."

I stood in silence. I liked her better than Amanda too. But we had ended so terribly. I had gotten afraid, afraid of the public finding out about us. I'd already had enough issues with people thinking I was dating Phoebe. I didn't want to have people asking me about Ashtyn as well. Especially since she was just a typical girl and not a public figure. Not to mention underage. I broke it off in a terrible fit of anger and I left her alone in tears. Now four years later I missed her.

Sara gave me a final hug and headed back towards her room. "Get some sleep before you do something stupid."

I stumbled through the dark and fell down onto the couch. My phone had fallen between the couch cushions and my hand contorted in order to grab it. After four years her number was long gone. However I had a suspicion of someone who might know something. I scrolled through my hazy contacts.

"Hello?"

"Mike!" I shouted then lowered my voice. "Mike"

"Uh?" He sounded as drunk as I was.

"Drunken bastard" I laughed.

"Nope." He groaned. "Just tired. It's 3 a.m."

I looked at the clock but I couldn't make out the time. "Oh"

"What did you want?"

"Ashtyn."

"Kutcher?"

"No girl." The one I secretly dated. "Girl girl."

"Girl girl? Josh are you drunk?"

"A little bit." I attempted to compose my thoughts. She used to be Tristan's babysitter. Do you have her number? "Babysitter...uh...do you have the...number?"

Silence. "Yes I do. Why?"

"I want it."

More silence. "Fine I'll send it to you. Don't do anything stupid."

I'm not stupid. "Thank you"

It was only seconds after hanging up the Mike sent the number. I stared at it for a moment. I could regret this big time. Or I could be making the best decision of my life. Then again she was probably sleeping. And probably had a new boyfriend. And probably forgot about me. I haven't seen her around Vancouver. Maybe she was dead. I couldn't wait any longer. I hit call and my feared for my life.

The phone rang twice before a shrill yell penetrated my ears. "You've been calling me all fucking night and now that I've blocked you you decide to get a new fucking number!"

I took a dee breath. "Ashtyn?"

Silence.

"Ashtyn it's me..."

"Josh." She spoke quietly.

I felt a smile creep on to my face. "It feels good to hear you say my name again."

Silence.

"I miss you."

"You're drunk. Goodbye."

"Wait!" I shouted then collected myself. "Yes."

"I can't deal with this right now."

"I mean it."

Silence.

I took another breath. "I miss you Ashtyn. A lot. I want you back."

Silence.

"I want you here. And hug me. And I loved you Ashtyn and I still do."

"You're drunk." She repeated.

"So?" I still mean every word I say.

Silence then disconnection. I set my phone on the coffee table and closed my eyes. At least I could dream about her now instead of Amanda. The heart break was equal. But the memories far surpassed those of her.