Desire ❃ newt

cнapтer 32

As soon as Newt set off to go and talk to the girl, I silently slipped away, hoping no one would notice me in the excitement. With everyone's thoughts on the stranger waking up from her coma, it proved easy. I skirted the edge of the Glade, then, breaking into a run, I headed for my place of seclusion behind the Deadhead forest.

I crouched in the corner, nestled in the ivy, and threw my blanket over myself, head and all. A few minutes passed, my heart finally calming to a slow roll.

Newt stood to my right, leaning against the massive stone wall.

"Greenbean, are you okay?" His voice was soft.

"You mean am I crazy?" I asked, embarrassed at the squeak that escaped on the last word.

"Yes. No. Maybe." He threw his arms up in disgust. "You just run everytime somethings happens."

I opened my mouth, then closed it without saying anything.

"I'm worried about you," he muttered, sitting down with a heavy sigh; I pulled my legs up to wrap my arms around my knees.

"Feelings. Emotions. Like I have all these shelves in my head, labeled for memories and faces, but they're empty. As if everything before this is just on the other side of a white curtain. Including you." I admitted.

"But how do you know me?"

I felt like the walls were spinning around me. Newt turned toward me.

"I don't know. Something about before we came to the Maze. Something about us. It's mostly empty, like I said." I sighed. "I ... It's all very confusing right now. But I know you're my friend." I smiled weakly. "I like how you call me Greenbean." As soon as it came out, I was sure I couldn't have possibly said anything dumber. "Most people call me Kameron. Well, except Minho—he calls me Kammy." I let out a bitter laugh. "Are we messed up or what?"

He smiled for the first time, and I almost had to look away, as if something that nice didn't belong in such a glum and gray place, as if I had no right to look at his expression.

"Yeah, we're messed up," he said.

"And I'm scared."

"So am I, trust me."

A long moment passed, both of us looking toward the ground.

"How come I became a med-jack?" It slipped out. I didn't mean to ask that and sounded like an ungrateful ... shank.

Newt huffed and looked down at his hands. "I know you wanted to be a Runner, Ka-" He started to say in sympathy but I cut him off.

"Then why aren't I a Runner? I get Thomas saved Minho and Alby's life but it's just not fair." I started to yell as I got more heated. I stood up, pacing in front of Newt as I ranted more. "Just because Thomas is a guy doesn't mean I can't be stronger than him. Everyone in this Glade looks at me like I'm the 'weak girl that needs sympathy'." I huffed.

Newt had wide eyes as I stopped pacing and stood in front of him. He stood up as he sighed. "No one thinks of you that way, we just..." Newt trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"Exactly, you guys think I'm weak and helpless." My voice got quieter.

"We don't think that." He added. "I just ... I don't want you out there with the Grievers. You could die." He yelled.

"What does it matter to you?" I yelled back. "I bet you care more about what that coma girl has to say about the maze more than I do." I frowned.