Desire ❃ newt

cнapтer 57

I shared a bunk with Newt, who insisted on sleeping up top; Thomas and Minho were right next to us. The staff put Teresa up in a separate room, shuffling her away before she could even say goodbye. They were going to take me too, but I put up a fight. I wasn't leaving these boys. I wasn't leaving Newt.

As I was settling into the soft mattress for the night, I couldn't get comfortable. I got up and stood on the mattress to see Newt still up.

"Hey, Newt," I said from next to him.

"Yeah?" Newt looked so tired, the word barely came out.

"What do you think happened to the Gladers who stayed behind?"

"I don't know. But based on how many of us died getting here, I wouldn't like to be one of them right now. Grievers are probably swarming all over them."

I couldn't believe how nonchalant his voice sounded as he said it. "You think we're safe with these people?"

Newt pondered the question for a moment. He patted the empty spot next to him in his bed. I happily climbed up and got under the blanket, immediately cuddling into his side. "Yeah, I think we're safe."

I was going to say something else, but I didn't. Exhaustion consuming me, my mind wandered to my short time in the Maze, Thomas' time as a Runner and how much I'd wanted it—ever since that first night in the Glade. It felt like a hundred years ago. Like a dream.

Murmurs of conversation floated through the room, but to me they seemed to come from another world. I stared at the ceiling above me, feeling the pull of sleep.

"I'm really sorry about Chuck." Newt whispered.

I felt a sharp pang and closed my eyes as I sank deeper into the misery of the night.

"He could be so annoying." I said. I paused, thought of that night when Chuck had scared the crap out of Gally in the bathroom. But it hurts. Feels like I lost a brother.

"I know."

"I promised—"

"Stop, Greenbean."

"What?" I wanted Newt to make me feel better, say something magic to make the pain go away.

"Stop with the promise stuff. Half of us made it. We all would've died if we'd stayed in the Maze." Newt said sternly, but quietly.

"But Chuck didn't make it." I said. Guilt racked me because I knew for a certainty I would trade any one of the Gladers in that room for Chuck.

"He died saving you," Newt said. "He made the choice himself. Just don't ever waste it."

I felt tears swell under my eyelids; one escaped and trickled down my right temple, into my hair. A full minute passed without any words between us.

Then I said, "Newt?"

"Yeah?"

I was scared to share my thoughts, but did. "I wanna remember you. Remember us. Ya know, before."

"Me too." Newt's voice cracked. I wondered if he was crying too. I couldn't tell because it was so dark in our room.

"Seems like we . . ." I didn't know how to say it after all.

"I know."

"Wonder what tomorrow'll be like."

"We'll find out in a few hours."

"Yeah." I sighed. "Well, good night." I wanted to say more, much more. But nothing came.

"Good night, Greenbean." He said.

I huffed, glad it was dark so no one could see the look that had settled across my face. It wasn't a smile, exactly. Not quite a happy expression. But almost.

And for now, almost was good enough.