Change Your Mind (n.h)

Chapter 23

     "Well, can I go first?" He pleaded.

     "Yeah, go ahead. This time, I promise to listen. I won't interrupt, I'll listen. I've missed these past few days getting to talk to you." I said back. I meant it. As much as he had hurt me, I still felt something for him. I still had that part of me in me that wanted to talk to him, wanted to be with him.

     "Thanks, listen. I know what I did was totally wrong and you definitely didn't deserve that-especially when you were still loving me and caring about me as much as you did. I want you to know that I still love you, I love you very, very much. I don't know what I was thinking, really, she's nothing to me, just some dumb girl. I told you I was never going to do that, even though that's what she wanted. I'm so sorry. I know that I can't take back what I did, so that's why I'm going to ask you if you will take me back. I know, you probably think that you can't trust me, but believe me, I'm changed. Knowing that you've been this mad at me, not getting to talk to you, not knowing if you were ever going to talk to me again, it made me realize how much I really need you. I don't want you to always think of me as some jerk that cheated on you. I know that's what I am, but...I want you back. I love you-still do and always will. Please, Renee, give me another chance."

     Oh. My. Freaking. Gosh. He says he still loves me. He says he wants me back and regrets what he did. He says he's truly sorry. He says he's changed. He says that he realizes that he needed me-more than he knew before. Wow. But he's also a known liar. He broke my heart. He cheated on me with some whore. Before Ryan came and saved me, he was pretty much ruining my life.

      But for some reason, I believe him. I think he really does love me. I think he really does want me back and regrets what he did to me. I think he really is sorry. I think he has changed. I think he knows that not only he needs me, but somehow he knows I need him, too. He may have lied a few times, may have broke my heart, may have cheated on me with some whore, but he also has made my life as wonderful as it is. I need him. I love him. I want him back. 

     I guess I had got really quiet because he kept saying my name and asking me if I was there. 

     "Yeah, I'm here." 

     "Well what do you say then? Will you be mine again?" I could hear the desperation in his voice.

     What do I say? Even though I felt this way about him, I didn't know if I could still trust him. I wanted to, but how do I know that he's not going to go behind my back again? It would legit kill me if he did it again. 

     "I-I think that maybe-maybe we should take it a little bit slower this time. For one thing, I'm leaving here soon, and then, I mean, I'm-I'm kind of, in-a-way with Ryan. He's been there for me through it all. He has, he really does care about me-in fact, more than you ever did. I don't want to be hurt like that again Brian. We both know that what we had was special, that I loved you-and you supposedly loved me.  It's-it's just that I don't know if I can trust you again. I want to-trust me, I do-but you make it so hard to. Why don't we try to be friends first. We can see other people for now, and if we still feel the same way after a while and we both feel comfortable with each other again, we can try to make it work. I promise. Is-is that okay?" I barely managed to stutter that all out.

     He got really quiet but after a minute he spoke up. "Whatever you want and you think is best. I just want you to be happy."

     For some reason, this really pissed me off. "Dammit Brian! You said that before didn't you?! I didn't turn out very happy, you freaking crushed me!" I screamed.

     "Baby, baby. Hey, it's okay. It's fine. We're fine. I promise, I told you I had changed. I don't want to hurt you anymore-I'm not going to. Listen, just calm down, okay? I promise I won't do you the way I did you before."