Feels Like Falling

part 14

Miles rang up to let me know Harry had arrived. I hopped out of bed and walked to meet him at the door. Harry knocked softly and I pulled the door open immediately. What I saw on the other side was not at all what I was expecting. Harry was a mess. His shirt was wet, his hair sticking up and out all over the place, he somehow had only one shoe on and worst of all his eyes were red and swollen like he’d been crying. As soon as his eyes met mine he started to cry again, or maybe he hadn’t really ever stopped. What had Louis done to him? I couldn’t imagine Louis being cruel to him so there must be some other explanation. Almost instinctually my arms grabbed for him and pulled him inside the apartment and against my body. I held him close and tight saying, “its okay Harry, You’re going to be fine, I love you” over and over again. I knew he didn’t need my words right now and he probably wasn’t hearing them anyway; he was in a teary daze. But I couldn’t do anything else.

            “Lets go to bed” I offer. I feel Harry’s head nod against my neck. I take him by the hand and we walk slowly into my bedroom. Harry sits down in the chair and I go to my closet to grab him something to change into. One of my larger T-shirts would have to do and luckily I still had a pair of his sweats I’d kept from when we first met. I pulled off his one shoe and took off his socks. He has the cutest toes; boy feet are usually so icky but not Harry’s. Next I strip him of his wet Ramones shirt and pull mine over his head in its place. Now I can tell he is playing along and letting his limbs be all floppy so its like dressing a doll and a sliver of a smirk crosses his lips. I pull him up out of the chair and he stands wobbly at first be steadies himself quickly holding onto my shoulder. I unbutton his pants and let them fall to the ground. He steps out of them one leg at a time and I hand him the sweats.

            “These are mine.” He says as he pulls them on. “I thought I lost these you little thief!

            “You left them at my flat, finders keepers” I say with a wink

            Harry walked across my room to the bed and crawled in, finding a comfy spot. I was frozen there looking at him. He looked just the same as he had all those months ago sitting amongst all my fluffy pillows with my frilly blankets wrapped around him. But somehow he looked different too, like his journey into stardom was wearing on him, just the slightest bit and he kind of looked like a lost little puppy desperate for a home. I was hit with a huge rush of guilt. All of this was my fault. His pain and his tears were my doing tonight.  I took a deep breath in and joined him, sitting with my back against the headboard. Harry leaned over and laid his head in my lap so that he was facing the tv and his body was curled into the fetal position. He used to sleep like that all the time and I had always been amazed that he could get his long limbs to curl up that way.  We sat that way for several minutes not talking. His breathing calmed as I brushed through his hair with my fingers. I wanted to ask what had happened with Louis but I didn’t know what to say or how to bring it up without making Harry more upset.  I knew he’d tell me in his own time.

            “What are you watching?” Harry asked

            “An old Cary Grant movie. You can change it to whatever you want though.”  I said knowing it wouldn’t be something he’d like.

            Harry put his arm out for me to hand him the remote. I kept playing with his hair while he scrolled through the available movies.  He found one and hit play. I wasn’t paying much attention to what he had picked until I heard a familiar southern girl voice say ‘What do you want to be married to me for, anyhow?’ OMG Harry was watching Sweet Home Alabama!

            “What!? Are you kidding? Harry I can’t believe you picked this movie!”

            “What… ?” He asked innocently. “I like this film.”