All Because of You

Chapter 10.5

"So... I guess I should start with 'I'm adopted. I... I donno. I mean, my memories, the ones I have, at least, are a little hazy. Most of this first part is all stuff I've heard from others.

"I was found on the streets of Australia when I was little; around three, I think. They could find my parents, or anything about me for matter. Except my name; they finally managed to get me to tell them that. They said I could have been living on the streets anywhere from a few days to a few months, maybe even a year. So I was transferred to an orphanage in one of the bigger cities, where they could care for me better and where I would have a better chance of getting adopted.

"That's where my adopters found me. From what I can tell, it was one of the quickest and easiest adoptions, especially since they wanted to take me back to the U.S. with them. But it worked, so I packed up what little I had and moved across the world with them. I thought that that would be the best day of my life; I had gotten a family, a home, a community, a chance in life. At the time, it was fantastic. And they were nice people, they really were. I loved them so, so much.

"The only problem is that they were extreme Christians. Most of the community was, really. I grew up hearing all sorts of bad things about the LGBTQ+ community, about abortion, about all of the things that they didn't believe in And I believed them at first, because they were my parents and I loved them and they loved me. It was all I had ever heard about those things, so it automatically became the truth.

"But then I went to middle school, and as I got older, I realized that maybe all of these thoughts and ideas and slurs that they had been throwing around for years were wrong. I still had to listen to them, though, and instead of saying anything about it, I stayed quiet for years because it wasn't my business and it wasn't my problem, and I thought that their words weren't really hurting anyone, so why bother? And then I realized I wasn't straight, and still I stayed quiet in fear of what they would do if they found out.

" High school rolled around. By then, I was beyond ready to get out of the house. Four more years was all I had to wait, and then I was done. But there was this family friend of ours, a boy named Danny. We had known each other forever, basically since the day I moved into town. The older we got, the hotter he became, and the fact that he was super nice made it completely impossible for me to not have a crush on him.

"As it turned out, he had a crush on me, too. He asked me out, I said yes, and just like that, I had my first boyfriend. No one knew about us because no one could know, but that was okay. We were the only ones that mattered.

"He was my first everything. First crush, first relationship, first kiss, first...

"He took my virginity. Because I loved him. He was my first love, one that I foolishly thought would last forever. But what ever does?

"My parents found out. We were in love, and after a while we stopped being careful. My mom walked in on us making out. His parents were called and an 'intervention' was held. I finally stood up for myself, for the way I felt, for who I loved. And then I got kicked out for it. I tried calling Danny, asking if I could stay with him for a while, but he was pretending to be straight. Who knows, maybe he was just experimenting or fucking with my emotions and he was actually straight the whole time. My point is, he didn't want anything to do with me.

"So I started walking and I didn't stop until I found my way here. I adjusted to street life, tried to get a job for a few years, but eventually I gave up. I started panhandling, playing on the streets, got used to being alone, used to rarely having food to eat, used to the everyday assholes. I bought a guitar.

"Then one day, an asshole ran into me and broke one of my strings. A brown-haired, green-eyed boy was caring enough to ask if I was okay and offer me lunch. I took it and I said too much and I ran away, but he still came back the next day. He left guitar strings for me and helped me fix my guitar. Everything he did for me made my heart swell. He bought me coffee and took me to a park and we just... hung out. He made me feel normal again. And I realized I was fucked, because he was amazing and nice and beautiful and treated me like I was a person, and I couldn't like him.

"Still, I couldn't make myself push him away. I let him take me out for diner, buy me cough drops, take me back to his apartment and care for me when I got ill. I stayed there with him until I was completely better, and then when I finally left, I couldn't get him off my mind. So I went to the park, our park, and I realized that even though I couldn't, that I shouldn't, I had fallen for this wonderful man. So I did what I could; I convinced myself not to. I told myself that I didn't like him. And then he took the time to get me a job interview and a friend of his made me look presentable. He called me beautiful and I thought I would die on the spot. I got the job and he showed me around; it felt like I was floating the entire time.

"And then I fucked it up. I almost kissed him, and things got awkward. He offered me a place to stay at his apartment and didn't let me say no, and I panicked because so many other lives have already been fucked up because of me and my crushes. So I locked myself in my room, because he didn't deserve to have his life ruined just like everyone else's lives I touch.

"I hid because I didn't want to ruin your life."

A/N- this is totally unrelated to this story, but I need y'all to send me your favorite quotes from Connor/Troye and/or things that they've taught you that have changed your life