All Because of You

Chapter 17

Connor walked past me silently. He grabbed a chair and began to tinker with the smoke detector, trying to pull the batteries out to get it to stop. The longer he stayed quiet, the more disdain I felt rolling off of him. God, Troye, look how pathetic you are. You failed at cooking a simple dinner and then you couldn't even turn off the smoke alarm. How stupid can you be? It's no wonder Connor hates you. Tears pricked the corners of my eyes as I sank to the floor, hands tugging at my curls. I'm such a failure.

I cried silently into my knees, hugging my legs close as I made my body as small as possible. The noise around me faded to nothing; I couldn't tell if that was because Connor finally got the alarm to stop or because I was having a full-blown anxiety attack, but I couldn't bring myself to care. Hands stopped tugging at my hair and I let them. My body uncurled and, though I tried to put up a bit of a fight, I gave in. A blanket covered my lightly shaking body; I didn't push it off. Eventually, the world around me faded back into existence, thankfully much quieter than it had been before. I was laid out on the couch, wrapped in a blanket with my head resting in Connor's lap as his fingers gently massaged my scalp.

"Hi," he whispered quietly as soon as he noticed I could once again hear him. I grunted quietly and pulled the blanket tighter around me, closing my eyes tight in an attempt to quiet the pounding that was starting behind my eyes.

"Hi," I finally mumbled, my voice raspy and sore. How long has it been? Was I screaming?

"How are you? No, wait, that's a stupid question. Need anything?" Connor's voice was quiet and soothing, but it did nothing for my strengthening headache.

"Tylenol," I said immediately. "Just bring the whole bottle." I rolled over to let Connor up. "Oh, and tea with honey? My throat hurts." I heard a sharp intake of breath, and even though I still had my eyes closed, I could tell he was cringing. So I was screaming.

I heard the soft padding of Connor's feet get quieter as he walked away. I thought being alone would help my headache, but instead I found myself wishing that Connor was still here, gently massaging my scalp. But he wasn't, and I wasn't sure if he was still mad ag me, and I wasn't sure if we were going to break up, so instead< I wrapped myself tighter in my blanket and let myself disappear into my thoughts.

"Tea?" Connor finally said, appearing in front of me with the warm mug. I took it gratefully, immediately swallowing several of the pills he'd also brought me.

"Better?" I nodded.

We sat in silence in the time that followed, with the only thing occupying us being our thoughts and the occasional sipping of my tea.

Then I finished my tea.

The silence was deafening.

Time crept on.

"I'm not mad at you." It was Connor who finally broke the silence, disproving my fears with one simple sentence. "I mean, if that's what you thought. Which it's you, so I mean you probably did... But I'm not."

"Okay," I said simply.

"That's it? Okay is all you have to say?"

"What do you want me to say? You came home to a beautifully decorated house, burnt dinner, a blaring fire alarm, and a screaming boyfriend. I would be mad at me. I am mad at me."

"In the moment, yeah, I guess I was a little mad. But now I'm not. And before you say something," he added, holding his hand up to keep me quiet, "it's not pity forgiveness. You were honestly trying to do something nice for me and it backfired on you; it would be stupid for me to be mad." I felt my face glow with a light blush at his words, my heart finally warming.