The Denial

29: I see....

~Grace~

I miss him.

I know it's killing me, I know. How's he keeping up? Is he doing alright? Or is he suffering like me?

It' been a week since that day. A week of over thinking and reliving the events. Passing each other in the hallway like strangers -three weeks ago, I wouldn't have hid myself in the toilets re doing my make up due to my tears, because of my ignorance.

---

After school I went to the public library to get my mind off of stuff by filling my lungs with the familiar scent of pages and covers.

But of course, neither the moon goddess nor Tyler would want me to have some time alone, since Tyler, himself, has followed me to the library.

Can't I just be left alone?

I kept moving from shelf to shelf , ignoring Tyler who is literally behind me. While feeling the the books, I felt a hand grab my wrist. Tyler. Oh, I've missed these shocks.

They've become my guilty pleasure.

"Let's talk," he whispered.

Shuddering by his touch, I nodded.

He started leading to the back of the library and he sat down, gesturing me to do the same  and I did so.

I raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to talk. He cleared his throat.

"Listen, Grace," he breathed. "I know I ruined my chances and I'm sorry."

"You apologize too much," I rolled my eyes. "As if sorry will change stuff."

"Grace, I'm imperfect too," he stated.

"All I meant was get to the point and don't apologize if you don't mean it," I retorted.

"I do mean it!" He hissed.

"You can't see the look in your eyes. You don't know what I see," I folded my arms.

"I see that you're forcefully apologizing."

"Right, but what do you see?" He asked again, pressuring on he last question.

I see that you're tired of chasing me. Hopelessness, yet I see hope.

"You-you don't have to-"

"Lust," I blurted out. "I see lust. Hunger. That's all I see."

"Then you aren't looking," he scoffed.  "Look me in the eyes and tell me what you see," he demanded.

But I couldn't.

Five years of being strangers, not daring to even throw a glance at each other's ditection, it's tough to look him straight in the face, let alone eyes.

He sighed, "okay."

My head hung low, his voice held so much sorrow. I still wonder how it' seven possible for someone to passionately fall and not lose faith.

"I don't know," I blurted.

"What?"

I looked up, "I-I don't know what I s-see. I can't tell."