I can feel his hot breath burning the fine hairs on the back of my neck. I can feel his large hand squeezing my hips and rubbing my sides. I can feel his thighs smacking against mine in a pattern which is gradually becoming faster. And I can feel him inside me, caressing me from the inside out.
But all I can see is the crumpled bed sheets.
His mouth suckles at my neck, his hips thrust roughly and his hands shake. No, not yet. Please just a little longer.
He doesn't last.
I sigh.
And he doesn't stay.
___________________________________________________________________________________
It's June. My birthday isn't far away. I wonder if he'll remember. I wonder if he'll stay.
This thing has been going on for 3 months. And 4 days. I counted. I remember.
He doesn't.
They call it 'friends with benefits' these days. I want us to be more than that.
He thinks we are less.
___________________________________________________________________________________
"You're so beautiful, baby."
"Really?"
"Yeah, yeah, of course, darling."
"Thank you Ash-"
"Shh sweetheart, no talking: you know the rules."
1. No talking
2. No lights
3. No kissing
4. No face-to-face
5. No names
Yeah I know the rules.
No this, no that.
No love.
___________________________________________________________________________________
My friends tell me to move on. Let it go. Let him go.
I can't. I love him.
He's hurting you, they say.
But isn't love pain?
That isn't love. He doesn't care.
But I do.
They cry. I cry.
I cry a lot.
He doesn't.
___________________________________________________________________________________
He forgot. But why should he remember? He's says it's just a birthday.
I tell him it's legal now.
My friends say it never was or will be.
"We could go public now. You know, maybe go on a date or something? We can't get into trouble for it anymore."
He scoffed and laughed.
Happy birthday to me.
___________________________________________________________________________________
He cheated. Slept with a tall, pretty, slim, blonde, blue eyed girl in our bed.
His bed, he reinforces.
"It's over", I say. "I've had enough. I gave you everything I had and in return I only wanted one thing."
"What?" He scoffed.
"Love."
He shook his head, smiling and walking away.
Apparently I ask for too much.
___________________________________________________________________________________
It's been 2 months.
He stopped dropping by 7 days in.
I counted.
He stopped calling 26 days ago.
I counted.
He stopped texting 4 days later.
I counted.
I haven't stopped crying.
I doubt he ever did.
___________________________________________________________________________________
It hurts this time. So bad, so much. So good.
I crawled back, like he said I would.
I begged, I cried, I apologized.
"You know what to do."
I turned off the lights, took off my clothes, shut my mouth and laid stomach-down on the mattress.
He was ruthless.
Isn't he always?
My punishment for thinking I could run away.
Because I can't. I know it.
And he does too.
___________________________________________________________________________________
It's a never ending cycle.
I wake up alone. Sore.
I spend the day by myself. Lost.
He comes to me. Horny.
He turns the lights off. Cruel.
He fucks me. Hard.
He leaves me. Broken.
But I keep coming back.
Because he may be rough and we may be 'complicated', but I don't want to be alone.
I'd rather feel pain than feel nothing at all.
Every time he tears me down, I let him.
Because I love him.
And because maybe when I'm fully broken, he'll love me back.
Sorry it is so sad. And sorry for writing Ashton like this, I know he isn't like this in real life. I hope you still enjoyed the story anyway! Please share my writing with your 5sos friends, I've only started posting 5sos stories here and I would love to have them seen!
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Crumbling Asphalt ~ Lashton
Fiksi Penggemar“Shh sweetheart, no talking: you know the rules.” 1. No talking 2. No lights 3. No kissing 4. No face-to-face 5. No names Yeah I know the rules. No this, no that. No love.
