I Love You. [h.s]

20.

(A/N: please do comment, ghost readers. I've never been one to ask more than once but this is one chapter that means a lot to me and feedback on how it is would be the best thing ever. Feel free to say you hate it, feel free to say that you didn't like what I've written, but PLEASE just write something. The drought of no feedback just irks me. Anything will be appreciated. Anyway, continue ☺️)

||M||

Monday 15th June, 2009.
5:07am, Miami, Florida.

"Born at 5:07am on Monday 15th June, 2009!" I exhaled the deepest breath I took in, my head dropping to the supporting pillows behind me as the midwife announced the arrival of my little baby girl. My eyes tried to fight back the tiredness, wanting to have one little hold of my little baby girl before the nurses took her away.

"Oh my god." Hayden stuttered, staring at the newly birthed life as she cried in the midwife's arms. Four nurses were in the room to help the midwife, each of them gently cheering and cooing at my baby.

My baby.

She was actually here.

Before I could register what was happening, she was being put on my bare chest. One of the methods the nurses had told me could be done, was 'kangaroo care'. Instead of anticipating to hold my little girl each minute of the day while she lay in an incubator, the doctors suggested it to keep me in contact with her at all times and to make sure that her body temperature was normal. The nurses had added on that it'd be easier access for me to have a try at nursing her.

Just feeling her skin on mine, had tears rimming my once dry eyes. My hands immediately went to hold her closer, but not too hard. She was the precious little diamond, and I didn't even dare to touch her.

"You did it, sweetheart. You've got your little girl." Janice said quietly as she crouched on my left, Hayden on my right. I bit my lip and just looked at her with glazed brown eyes, "I really have."

I looked back, seeing the most beautiful baby in the world be so calm and serene as her eyes remained closed. I didn't even care that she was partly slimy, nothing could surpass what I was feeling for her.

Pouty pink lips, frowning little forehead, squishy red cheeks and the most softest head of blonde hair. My pointer finger went over each crease and each part of her facial structure, thinking as to how I carried such a beautiful baby for seven months.

"Would the grandmother like to cut the umbilical chord?" The doctor's words snapped me out of my little daydream, making me look up to see Janice looking back at me. As if she was waiting for my permission.

"Oh, I-uh- I'm not her grand-"

"Yes she is, maternal actually. And she'll gladly do it because I trust her too much to not let her fulfil the first step of having my baby officially in my arms. No chords attached, just a new relation." I spoke, my lecture being the most I'd said since I landed at the airport five months ago.

I never considered Janice as my adoptive mother. I was so overwhelmed after leaving that I was putting my baby's life at risk. No food, no water, and no sleep. Once I hit the four month mark and saw a bump, reality hit me with a brick. One day, Janice just barged up to me and gave me the most hurtful yet realistic lecture ever.

I was killing my baby.

I was being idiotic.

I was being stupid.

It was my decision to keep her, but I never intended to practically kill her.

I wanted to be the mother that my own never stood up to be.