I Love You. [h.s]

Life update: the one where Sophie basically sits down and talks about life.

Heyoooo, it's Sophie.

I hope you're all doing well and are healthy but if you're binging on chocolate or eating junk food, imma let ya slide.

Slide to the left, slide to the right- ok sorry back to topic.

HIIIII, I'VE MISSED YOU ALLLLLLLLLLLLL. And can I just say, I never imagined that two years ago, I'd have this shitty idea of Harry having a kid... now look where and what it has become.

Nearly 32,000 reads later and here we are.

I wrote this story when I was 14 with the hope and aspiration that one day, someone will reach out to me and make this an official book. I'll be recognised for my writing and make a name for myself.

But there's something much simpler to that; I love writing. I love it so so SO much. It's my release from how my life truly is. It's like a realm where I can write what I want, a whole world different from the life that I live.

I can become a celebrity, a wedding planner, a mother, a daughter, talk about the issues of the world and incorporate them into the stories that I haven't published and just... escape.

In reality, I'm a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a student and in the future, an aspiring writer, coffeeshop owner, and an English teacher.

I'm in the midst of constant talks of college and finishing high school with the good grades that I need to do English language, psychology and sociology.

All three are a-levels and in order to do those, I need an a-c in maths, English and science. I'm nearly there for science with a D and I'm telling you all now, the physics teachers that I've been having since last year are so SO encouraging  and I'm doing all that I can to not disappoint them. I'm sure I've told you of the one that's like a mother to me but I have another that's physics and biology.

She's so chill and nice and just- great. She teaches in such a way that is memorable and for an auditory learner like myself, she repeats and makes me repeat definitions of words to memorise them and it just sticks. (An enzyme is a biological catalyst that speeds up reactions within the body, momentum is the property of a moving object, homozygous are two of the same allele whilst heterozygous are two different alleles.)

Anyway, I do hope to at least pass with a c in all three main subjects. I swear I shall cry.

That was the educational aspect of me, now I feel I should explain the mental aspect. Being from a south Asian culture, mental illnesses are not common. I've never heard of someone from my community being diagnosed nor do I hear of any having connections to therapists to talk to. But I do feel anxious. I am not diagnosing myself but I do feel as if I have a slightly harsh case of it. I feel breathless thinking of failing and disappointing my parents that it feels as if my throats is closing up. Without noticing, I stop breathing and am unable to start up again.

and just being in school makes me shake. I just don't want to be there, I take days off when my heart just tells me to not go in and it is so bad because I DO want to go in, I DO want to learn and I just want to pass. I just want to get out of there in the end and shove a big fat 'FUCK YOU' to my family because I FUCKING DID IT.

Jk, they're supportive of me but sometimes, it's quite daunting.

But yes, this was just an update for you guys because no, I am not dead, and yes, I'm low-key living.

Do tell me how you all are, rant in the comments, negatively, positively, however you want! I want to know how you've been ☺️.

All the love,

S O P H I E .

||updated on Saturday 18th March, 2017.||