Chapter 5
Madness decided to take over my life again. Nothing was helping, but everything was changing. It was the first day since boys came to San Francisco when I haven't seen them. I decided to stay in bed throughout whole previous day and now I was still lying under my blanket. I turned my phone off not to see the new notications and just to take a break from everything and rethink what happened at the parking lot, in the studio and simply in general. There was no rational solution. My thoughts all end up on the same thing and my mind was like blacked out. I stopped wondering why have I become the girl who came across the lifetime opportunity because I should be grateful for it. The thing is, I was ruining it. Luke wasn't serious about what he said then was he? Because I haven't been so confused in my entire life. I fell in love with him at the first sight, watching some covers from boys 2 years ago. He seemed to be the most flawless, sweetest, most caring and fun guy in the entire world. But reality turned out to be a bitch. You always imagine the way, your eternal crush will fall in love with you or at least like you back. You think about it at night, spend 2 years stalking him, messaging him and living in this obsession thinking "one day my wish will come true". I haven't been more wrong in my entire life.
I dismissed myself from going with my dad to the rehearsals today, saying I have a headache and I want to stay at home. Truth is I just wanted to stay alone and prevent myself from the boys seeing me in this total mess. It was about 4 PM when I finally decided to go downstairs and get something to drink. I havent been eating since 2 days but I wasn't even feeling hungry. I didn't want to have an eating disorder or anything but I was feeling too bad to even put something in my mouth. I was making myself a cup of my favourite green tea when the doorbell rang. "Shit" I thought. Maybe it's just my dad and he forgot his keys?
-Who's there? I asked to check out. Gosh, why couldnt I just keep my mouth shut? I could pretend I was sleeping or something but now I needed to open the doors.
-Liv?- the person outside said my name really quietly but I'd recognise this voice everywhere. This deep, melodic Aussie accent belong to Ashton Irwin. Now what. I was standing in my kitchen with a cup of tea in one hand and a box of tissues in another, my wavy hear was tied back in an up-do, I wasn't wearing any make-up, I was wearing my onesie and to highlight my zombie look my eyes were read from crying and I had dark circles around them. Summing up, I was even too scared to look in the mirror any longer, all the more to see anyone, To see Ashton.
-Liv, are you there?- I figured out I got lost in my thoughts again and havent said anything for a while while he sounded really worried. -Can you please open the door?- hoping he'd run away scared of my face I walked up to the door, and slowly opened them. I was trying not to look at him but you should call him mister Irresistible.
-Come in- I said and faked a smile. Something that few us are masters in. He didn't run away. He looked directly into my eyes and smiled. It wasn't anywhere near my fake one, it was this cheeky smile of happiness which you only give to some people in the world.
-Your dad said that you aren't feeling well so I ditched the management meeting we planned and came straight here after the sound check, are you feeling any better? Would you like me to go to the city and buy you something? I thought we could spend the afternoon together because the boys think I am at our distributors office negotiating about our album so they can't come. And I also... Liv?- I was just standing in the middle of the living room, being a total mess, physically and mentally while he was there, choosing me over his management meeting. He knew me for three days how was this even possible? I couldnt stop my eyes from fulling up with tears. Ashton noticed that an walked up to me. He didn't even say a word, he just pulled me closer and hugged me. Suddenly I felt save, like nothing could ever brake me. Doing the most pathetic thing ever I just let it all out and started crying on his shoulder. He pulled me on a sofa and we were sitting like that for an infinte amount of time. I wanted this moment to last forever but his denim west was already wet from my tears. I noticed out and jumped back.
-I'm sorry- I whispered and took a pillow in which I hid my face. "Pathetic, worthless" went on and on in my head but I cried it all out and not even a single tear more appeared to fall.- I'm sorry Ashton. You are so lovely to me, and I'm just acting like a total freak. I just can't handle anything anymore. Anything. My life is out of control, my parents don't actually care about me, my dad didnt even come home yesterday and I havent spoken to my mom since 3 days. And then Luke...
-Liv- He interrupted me and lifted my face from the pillow making me look at him- Don't be sorry about anything because you don't deserve to be treated like that. I just want you to know that you should never loose the faith in you. It might be stormy now but it can't rain forever. And just remember that you can count on me, no matter how short only we know each other, I want to be in your life because...because I don't want you to be sad.- Saying that he smiled at me again and I didnt know if I was friendzoned again or was this just something from the bottom of his heart and I should confess as well? Insane. Was I completely out of my mind or was it really happening?
-Let's make an early dinner together, what would you say? Food is always a good idea- he laughed, grabbed my hand and we went to kitchen. He put some music from his iPhone on and we spent a whole afternoon trying to make something to eat but since we weren't born to cook, we just made this humongeous mess everywhere and ended up ordering sushi. Later we sat on the sofa, because there was a Disney movies marathon on Disney Channel (they played it until 1AM, imagine) but I managed to stop caring about what happened earlier. I was just being myself, and with Ashton I was nearly laughing all the time. For the first time in my life I havent fet like I need to impress anyone. And that was so perfect about it. When the marathon finsihed we realised how late is that.
-Holy shit, I need to get going- he said taking his iPhone out of his pocket.- 27 missed calls, 61 new messages, I'm screwed.- Ashton was actually smiling at the lockscreen like he didn't give a crap.
-You better go, bet they are all worried about you- I said getting all serious upset that he's gonna leave. I will stay alone with my thoughts. But he already did so much to me so I needed to let him go.
-Not as much as I was worried about you.- he said getting up from the sofa like it was the hardest thing in the world.- Promise me you will come to the studio tomorrow, we will be writing some songs maybe you would like to help us? Oh and then we can go to the city again, San Francisco is so amazing!
-Sure- I agreed, realising that the perspective of seeing Luke is totally nothing when it comes to the perspective of spending the day with Ashton.
-You don't need Luke to make you happy- he said like he read my mind. I freezed. What did Luke tell him about me? I was too scared to ask and I din't want to know- Goodnight, Liv.
-Goodnight- I whispered weakly. He turned back but what I've found the strenght for was a quiet- Thank you, Ashton.- he heard what I've said and stopped, turning around to look at me. Fresh, summer air, filled with the breeze and atmosphere of West Coast fulled my lungs when I was taking a deep breath. The sound in this air can be very deceptive, but I wanted to believe that what Ashton said before getting into the rent van, in the darkness around my house was "I will do everything to make you realise how much you mean to me". I was looking as the cars lights were slowly fading out in the horizon to finally disappear. I got back home and locked the door, left alone for a combat with my thoughts again.
