Searching for Death

Chapter 32

Anastasia's POV

I opened the note slowly and skillfully.

To my beautiful Anastasia,

I'm so sorry. Words can't explain to you how sorry I am. I don't know what came over me. I didn't kill your mother & your sister. It was the alcohol, not me talking. The police will figure that out soon enough when the autopsy is performed. When your mother died, I became lost. I turned to alcohol, it was always in reach, it never left me. Until I arrived here. My coping source was cut off & I finally sobered up. I became aware of all I had done & decided I couldn't live like this. What have I done, Ana? I've made a huge mistake. I abandoned you, bested you, completely, utterly neglected you!! What kind of person like me deserves to be surrounded by someone as wonderful as you. You of all people deserve the best this world has to offer. Without me, maybe you'll finally get there.

With my infinite love-
Dad

"With my infinite love."

Infinite.

Never-ending.

I broke out in tears. My father had come back. The dad I grew up with was alive and well once more. But guilt took over him. I never got a chance to say hello. Or even goodbye.

Most people get at least one. I got neither.

"Anastasia?" Parker asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"He's gone. Everything I knew, everything I loved, has been obliterated," I said shaking.

"His love is infinite. Though he is gone, his love still lives inside you. He will forever love you. And so will I," he said while starting into my soul.

I collapsed into his arms and sobbed. More than ever. I had been through so much and the pain felt never ending. But with him, I thought it might. He brought me comfort and love. It was all I ever needed.

5 months later

"Hello. Thank you for coming. All of you have been with my family and I at some points in our lives. We loved you and hope you loved us too. My family, while dysfunctional, was amazing. I cannot begin to tell you how much it hurts me to know that everyone is now gone. It's unbearable sometimes. When my mother died, my sister, my father and I all turned to different things to cope with our loss. We all became clinically depressed. My father became a heavy alcoholic. He did things that I know he regrets, and I forgive him. People do crazy things when they're grief stricken. At this point in time, not only was I not eating, smoking, and drinking, but I was planning to commit suicide. If it wasn't for Parker Fields, I wouldn't be standing here, telling you my story. I was searching for death and instead I found him. My sister's death and my father's death followed somewhat quickly afterwords. In my grief period I realized that life is hard. Death is inevitable. Surviving is easy. Living is challenging. Though I've been alive 18 years, I've only lived few of those moments. I've been surviving all my life, holding on, not having any fun, not taking risks. Life is short. Today ends. Tomorrow begins. I wish the members of my family got more time. They deserved it. But though they are not here in the flesh, they are in our hearts. I feel better than I've ever felt before. I'm ready to live."

the end

comment questions & sequel??? idk??