Caretaker Kankri: Kankri X Female!Reader

Part 3

~the Vantas hive~

"Karkat, I must speak with y9u immediately."

"FUCK."

"Language, Karkat."

"WHAT THE HELL DOES IT MATTER? YOU'RE HERE TO BABBLE ON ABOUT SOME USELESS FUCKING SLIGHT THAT ONLY OFFENDS YOU, RIGHT? WHAT'S ONE MORE FUCKING THING FOR YOU TO COMPLAIN ABOUT? I JUST LOVE TO LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHERFUCKING PET PEEVES LIKE YOUR WORDS ARE AN ENDLESS SPEWING GEYSER OF VOMIT AND I'M THE UNFORTUNATE LOADGAPER THEY ARE BEING FLUSHED DOWN."

"Karkat, I have n9t c9me here t9 lecture y9u. I have actually c9me f9r s9me advice, 9r rather, an impers9nal interpretati9n 9f certain events which have 9ccured recently." Kankri crosses his arms over his chest. "H9wever, if y9u are seeking a lecture 9n the impr9per and triggering uses 9f vulgar language and crude anal9gies within y9ur sentences I w9uld gladly—"

"NO! GOG NO!" Karkat slaps his forehead and runs the hand down his face. "JUST... ASK WHAT IT IS YOU FUCKING WANT TO KNOW, ALRIGHT? SO I CAN GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE."

Kankri frowns slightly, but continues. "Well Karkat, y9u see, I was 9ver at [Name]'s hive last night, as well as this m9rning. We had 6een discussing s9me rather triggering su6jects—"

"AS IS USUALLY THE CASE WHEN YOU'RE AROUND."

"Karkat, please." Kankri glared down at his dancestor, arms crossed over his chest. "As I was saying, 6ut m9re particularly, we were c9nversing a69ut an instance which had greatly triggered me. Y9u kn9w h9w [Name] is 9ftentimes the m9st pleasura6le acquaintance t9 c9nverse with, as she is highly c9nci9us 9f her privileges and the acti9ns she takes ar9und 9thers. 6ut last night she seemed uncharacteristically 9ut 9f s9rts, and, w9rried, I ch9se t9 see t9 her care, like any g99d friend w9uld do. Which explains why I was 9ver t9 her hive t9day." Karkat was practically rolling his eyes at this point. "S9, while discussing her triggering acti9ns 9f the night 6ef9re, she revealed ... s9mething 9f a m9re pers9nal nature. And I d9n't have any idea as t9 what it might mean f9r 9ur ... 9ur friendship. Whether 9r n9t I sh9uld 6e cauti9us when c9nfr9nting her during any future engagements so as n9t t9 trigger either 9f us."

"GET TO THE FUCKING POINT ALRERADY, BULDGESUCKER."

Kankri cleared his throat. "Karkat, what d9es it mean when a female inf9rms y9u that she enj9ys listening t9 y9ur v9ice? That the s9und 9f it has a nearly, well, physical effect 9n her em9ti9nal, if n9t mental, well-6eing and c9ntentment?"

Karkat pondered this information for a moment, sifting through the knowledge of troll romance he had accumulated from watching hundreds of hours of shitty, but informative and interesting, romcom movies, then discarding and applying any such relevant intelligence as he could recall to his talkative and ignorant dancestor. "WELL, CONSIDERING THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE USUALLY TENDS TO PISS OTHER TROLLS OFF, I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE FOUND YOURSELF A TRUE FUCKING MOIRAIL." Karkat continued on, oblivious to the descent of Kankri's shoulders at the information. "HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW HER ALL THAT WELL. I GUESS SHE DOESN'T LIKE LOUD NOISES, OR SOMETHING? AT LEAST, THAT'S WHAT HER MOIRAIL TOLD ME. SO NEEDLESS TO SAY, SHE PROBABLY AVOIDS MY SHOUTING FOODCHUTE AT ALL POSSIBLE FUCKING TIMES. TO FIND OUT IF IT MEANS SOMETHING MORE FUCKING SIGNIFICANT TO HER, THOUGH, I WOULD TRY TO TALK TO SOMEONE CLOSER TO THE FUCKING SOURCE."

"Well, I thank y9u anyway, Karkat. Y9u have certainly helped t9 clarify s9me 96scure p9ints in 9ur—"

"WAIT." Karkat shoved a hand over Kankri's mouth, silencing him completely. Just as red flames began to dance in the older troll's eyes Karkat jerked the entrance barrier of the hive open and pulled in a very flustered-looking moirail of yours, holding them tightly by their shirt. "WHAT. THE EVERLOVING FUCK. ARE YOU DOING HIDING OUT AROUND MY HIVE?"

"Is that where we are? I hadn't noticed."

"DON'T FUCKING ACT LIKE I'M AN IDIOT, NOOKWHIFF. YOU'RE THE PERVERTED FUCKING SHITSPONGE CRAWLING LIKE A WRIGGLER AROUND THE HIVES OF OTHER TROLLS. DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE ACT LIKE I'M THE ONE WITH A GOGDAMN PROBLEM. NOW ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION!"

"Which would be?"

"WHAT THE BLOODY, PUTREFYING AND ETERNALY ROTTING FUCK ARE YOU DOING SNEAKING AROUND MY HIVE?"

"If you have to know, I wasn't TRYING to be a sneaky ass pervert, as you so crudely implied. I just heard you assholes talking about my moirail and wanted to be sure what you were spewing wasn't shit. Unfortunately, I learned a hell of a lot more than I needed to know."

"GOOD, THEN YOU CAN JUST FUCKING FORGET EVERYTHING YOU HEARD. EVERY. SINGLE. WORD."

"No way. [Name] will totally get a kick out of the fact that she sent Kankri, of all people, to get advice. On her, no less." At this point Kankri came forward, gripping the moirail by the shoulders and lifting them out of Karkat's grasp. His face was flushed with anger, and his hold was uncharacteristically tight.

"[M9rail's Name], it w9uld 6e highly triggering f9r me, and likely f9r [Name] as well, f9r y9u t9 6ring up such a pers9nal t9pic. I sp9ke t9 Karkat 9ut 9f the strictest 9f c9nfidences, and sincerely wish y9u w9uld h9ld such c9nfidence as well, h9wever unc9nventi9nally and unwelc9mingly y9u came ab9ut receiving it."

"As [Name]'s moirail, I have just as much right to such information as your dancestor. And [Name] has a right to know you talk about any of her revelations 'of a more personal nature' behind her back."

"As true as that may 6e, [M9rail's Name], this 9ccurance is strictly 6etween [Name] and I. Karkat has assured me that her revelati9n is n9t 9verly significant t9 the c9ntinuati9n 9f 9ur friendship, and 9ther than this single instance, it is highly unlikely I will ever need t9 c9nfr9nt him with such inquiries again. S9 please, d9 n9t risk triggering either 9f us with reckless and th9ughtless sp9uting 9f su6jects y9u were n9t intenti9nally inf9rmed 9f." Your moirail would normally have been content to give him a sarcastic comment and slip away to tell you anyway, but something desperate in the way Kankri gripped their arms, in the way he looked them in the eyes made them agree to silence. Kankri sighed in relief, loosening his grip and placing them back on the floor.

"And Kankri, here's a bit more advice, coming from someone qualified to interpret [Name]'s ramblings," they said, rubbing the circulation back to their arms. "She said she liked your voice? The exact words?"

"Well, t9 6e fair, she had 9riginally said she 'really l9ves' my v9ice, that it pr9duces within her a state 9f happiness and calm. 6ut she was the 9ne t9 9riginally d9wnplay her w9rds, as well."

"Then you probably have a right to know this: [Name] wouldn't say such things lightly. As the one who knows her best, it's likely she might feel a little red for you, even if it isn't a full-blown flushcrush. I say this because how she feels often reflects how she hears things."

Kankri was blushing furiously at this information. "Y9u mean she feels red f9r me?"

"I said MAYBE she does. I'd ask her, if you want the truth."

"And if she d9es? Then what am I supp9sed t9 d9?"

"You said she was sick, right? You could use that as an excuse to go see her! To take care of her and find out the truth!"

Karkat snickers in cruel enjoyment and Kankri splutters their name. "That is highly 9ffensive and triggering, t9 suggest such a thing! I w9uld never take advantage 9f [Name] in that way, and ..."

Kankri then proceeds to lecture them on the triggers inherent in deception and falsehoods, as well as those in eavesdropping and the public sharing of private information. And continues to do so until your moirail absconds out of the window ...

~Later that night~

"Karkat, I am heading 9ut. D9 n9t expect me 6ack f9r a day 9r s9. I have s9me 6usiness I have t9—"

"WHATEVER, NOOKFUCKER. JUST GET THE HELL OVER TO HER HIVE ALREADY. STOP PACING THE FLOORS AND ANNOYING THE FUCK OUT OF ME." Karkat then proceeds to shove his dancestor out the door and slams it shut behind him. With a sigh of relief he leans back against it.

"FUCKASS."