Love will remember - A Phan Lovestory

5

Word count: 1381 words

SONG RECOMMENDATION

Twenty One Pilots - Doubt

*Phil P.O.V*

Leaves in gradient colors were falling down on us. We sat together on a old bench in the middle of a park. I leaned in for a kiss. He smirked and brang our lips together. I met his soft lips and sparks flew. I dragged my fingers through his fluffy brown hair, as he cupped my chin. He smelled of cologne and aftershave, but mostly like himself. A cold breeze made me shiver. He comforted me and offered his jacket. It was all so long ago, but i remembered it like it was burned into the back of my mind. We went home that day in peace before we sat down and edited videos as we always did. I had just finished editing my latest video, and was watching Dan's video where he talked about opinions. I was halfway through when Dan slammed the door open. I tried not to think further, due to my sensitivity over that day.

I heard a loud beeping noise. It was the alarm i had set the day before, to wake myself up. I was already awake, and opened my eyes slowly. Light was shining through my crappy gray curtains, and created a patch of light onto my bed. I rubbed my eyes intensely, and pushed my duvet off my legs. I forced myself out of bed. I stood up, and to my very suprise, i felt... OK. I didn't feel like i had felt for what seemed like forever. I guess I had forgotten how it felt to be happy. The only happiness was when i was dreaming of him, which required having to sleep. And that didn't happen that often. Why i felt this way i couldn't possibly know, but i liked the feeling if it. 

I pushed open my bedroom door and walked over towards my kitchen. I walked past a mirror, and i slowly went back to check myself out. I had gotten my color back, and my eyes didn't look like two plums anymore. Whilst i fixed my fringe i cringed of the dryness in my hair. I hadn't showered for weeks. I stank of sweat and blood. I sighed and walked back to my bathroom with my head low. I went in and stared at myself in the mirror. I did not recognize myself. My eyes wasn't that blue anymore. My lips was pale and dry. A tiny tear escaped my eye. I blinked it away and stripped off my clothes. The warm water washed away my filthiness, but the thoughts stayed if not intensified. I turned around and let the water run down my neck as i rubbed my eyes.

I felt motivated. If motivated enough to make a video, i did not know. I had thought a lot about what i was going to say. I could not put away everything. There was all these people that apparently loved me for who i was, even though i wasn't perfect.  I had to explain what had happened. They deserved to know. But was i going to finally film a video today, i did not know. I knew nothing of what i had to front that day. No matter what it was i was prepared. I shut off the water and went out of the shower. I was cleaner than i had been in weeks. I wrapped a towel around my waist and threw another one on my shoulders. Whilst i was heading for my bedroom i realized that today was the day things would finally change. I can't lie, that realization put a big smile on my face. I was making a video, and there was nothing more to it. No more thoughts should ruin my day, and no more memories was gonna crush me anymore.

I was stronger than i had been since the incident. Maybe Dan wasn't here at the moment, but i shouldn't give up on life because of That. I knew he one day would wake up, and i wanted to be there for him. I put on my nicest t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I blow dried my hair, and straightened it even though it couldn't get any straighter. I looked over at my camera that was across the room against a pile of clothes. I sighed and started moving the camera in front of my bed as i always did. I took a deep breath and stared into the camera for a second. I slowly turned it on and sat down on my bed.

"Hello guys. Uhm, honestly i don't quite know what to say. Everyone has been wondering where Dan and i have been." I sighed and bit my lip to hold back the tears as i continued. "I don't wanna joke around anymore. I can't look away from facing you guys. I guess i have to tell you just how.. It happened." I rubbed my eyes and dug back the memories of that awful day. " It all began in October. I was editing videos, when Dan came into my room. He asked me if i could go to the store to buy him some maltesers. I was quite busy so i had to say no. Dan went himself to the store. We had a short conversation on the phone, when  he said he was coming home in five minutes. I waited twenty. I was a bit worried, and went out to look for him. That was when i head sirens. I didn't really think about it at first, but when an ambulance suddenly passed me towards the store Dan went to, i started running. I saw..." I was shaking. Tears was blocking my sight and i refused to close my eyes because then i would start crying. I took a deep breath once again and dried my eyes with my sleeve, and continued. " I saw Dan lying on the ground. B-b-blood was.. Surrounding him. I don't remember much after that..  But i blacked out. The ambulance took me with them also because i supposedly had said i knew him right before i fainted. We drove to the hospital." 

I couldn't fight the tears anymore, and i bursted into tears. "The doctor said he was hit by a car..." I covered my mouth and looked at the floor. "Dan... Dan is.. In a coma." I rubbed my eyes and looked into the camera. "I love you guys. But please understand it was hard for me to make this video. I guess i'm also speaking for Dan when i say that you guys really mean a lot to me. And.. Goodbye Internet" I shut off the camera and stared onto the palms of my hands. "I better upload it now before i give up again." I uploaded it fast without any editing and didn't even think twice about what i was calling it. I waited for it to upload. It did not take too long before the views started to appear. It was already a million views. It's like they had been waiting for me.

 I felt a smile on my face as i scrolled down to see the comments. They hadn't forgotten about me just yet. All these heartwarming, motivating, and a few freaked out and confused comments were just about what I expected. They really did care about me. I was scared to film that video because i was not sure what they would think. But the amount of support i was getting was barely enough to fill my empty heart. There was still feeling of guilt, anger, sadness, lurking in the shadows. My heart dropped miles when i realized what i had left behind. I hadn't always taken my audience for granted. There was times they was the light of the tunnel, the joy to my dark depressions, and the life of my body. But in times like this, who were I to blame. 

Even though Dan was lying in a pale, lifeless room with things plugged into him, in a coma, there was like i had found a flashlight in the dark. I was staring to see the light of the tunnel. It didn't mean i had 'moved on' if i stopped crying. It meant i had found the strenght i needed to fight this monster that had ripped my heart open and blinded me for weeks. I knew i had a depression. I had dealed with this many times in the past. It all began the time i lost my best friend. He died all so suddenly and so young. Then Dan showed up and became my strenght. He was there for me in times i was feeling down, and in situations i knew i couldn't deal with alone. He made me confident whilst I before was anxious. But now he is gone. Not gone... just... not here at the moment. And i had nothing in the past weeks. I had gotten used to someone i clinged onto when i was having a hard time. In times i had no one but myself, it could get dark before it got better. But i was definitely on my way up again. I was brushing of the mud i had fallen into. Even though i doubted i could be good with out him. I had been repeating the sentence 'he's coming back' a thousand times, and i hated it every time. It was a constant reminder every time as well. A phrase burned into my mind. But the truth was i was scared. Scared of the obvious assumption. And even though if he ever woke up, he had a slight change he wouldn't even remember me. Whatever happened, i would learn him to love again. Even if it took me the rest of my life i would help him. Because true love will remember.