Breaking the Habit//Gratsu

13

"Give me, myself"

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Natsu's point of view:

I stood boredly behind the cash register as I waited for customers to show up. Knowing none would come, I took a seat and grabbed the book I was reading earlier. Flipping to the page that was folded in the corner I began to read where I left off.

'We all spend so much time not saying what we want because we know we can't have it.' I reread that sentence quite a few times.

It really hit me thinking what it was that I wanted.

That's right this emptiness. I want it filled.

Yet, I can't just go around seeking for my emptiness to leave me.

Love, will it fill it?

I was in love once, well I think that's what is was but at the end everything shattered on my part.

I can't love anymore.

I think because it was my first love that it hurt so much.

Is first love suppose to be the sweetest?

It wasn't for me.

I begged so hard for that heroin.

I'm surrounded by people. Yes. But does that mean I'm satisfied? No. After what has happened through my life, I don't know what to do anymore. I know I'm only sixteen, I know people have greater problems than me but this pit within me, this never ending pit of darkness hasn't left. I've made mistakes a lot of them.

When was the last time I felt happiness? What is happiness?

It's been so long I forgot what that word meant and how it felt. So many questions running through me, but I have no answers to them. Ahh, I'm thinking too much again.

I ran my hand through my hair as I continued reading my book. In fact, this was the fifth time me reading it; Long Way Down. Pretty good in my opinion. Every time I finished it I can't let it go.

I was so caught up in my own world for the second time today I hadn't realized someone was waiting for their item to be paid for.

"Um excuse me, sir?" The feminine voice called to me. I looked up to see Gajeel's girlfriend. She eyed me then her eyes widened.

"I've seen you around the school. My boyfriend told me you're his cousin, Natsu right?" She asked me laying her books on the counter.

Now she notices me after coming to this store almost every week.

"Yeah. And your name is?"

"Oh yeah, I totally forgot to introduce myself, I'm Levy." She perked up and brought out her hand to shake. I awkwardly accepted it. I scanned her stuff and gave them to her with the receipt. Once she left I took a seat and went back to my novel.

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I took off my shoes and as always Sting was here.

"Natsu your back from work?" He questioned me. I nodded and went to the kitchen to fetch something to hydrate myself and he was right behind me.

"The school provides jobs around town that you get paid for, but you still work at the bookstore. Why is that?"

I grabbed a water bottle and turned to him.

"...I just like the bookstore. Where I can work by myself and do things myself. I don't find the point in doing group jobs provided by the school." I said to him and began to walk to my room. He was on my tail.