promises • cato the hunger games

Thirteen

Time seems to have paused, and I'm paused with it. Unable to move, unable to even speak. I'm completely stunned, lost for words. I can hardly comprehend what has just been said to me.

'I love you.'

The words are ringing in my ears, swirling around in my head. I can't think straight.

"W-what?" I say, in utter disbelief.

"You heard me," he says. "I love you."

I edge away from him. "Stop it. You can't say that," I tell him.

"Why not?" he asks quietly. "You know I do, I might as well say it out loud. I know you feel the same about me, however much you deny it."

"A-another time, another place," I say, trying to grasp the right words.

He moves closer. "I don't know anything about another time or another place," he says bluntly. "I only know about the here and now."

"Just go away, Cato," I tell him, but I don't really want him to. I don't really know what I want anymore. I start to cry again, unable to say anything. Everything's so complicated.

"Penny, please don't cry, please," he begs.

"I can't help it," I say. "Everything's so difficult and messed up."

Catos face scrunches up, and I'm scared he's going to start crying too, but he takes a slow breath out and opens his eyes again.

"I know, I know, but we can make it work."

"Cato, you're deranged. It'll never work. I'm going to die tomorrow."

"Stop it, Penny," he says, aggressively. "You're not going to die, I won't let that happen. I promise."

I shake my head. "You're making promises you know you can't keep." I take a deep breath. "You just need to forget me, just worry about yourself. Win, you've worked hard for it, you deserve it."

"No, I don't. You deserve to live more than anyone in this competition. Your little sister needs you."

"Well your family needs you too," I say.

"No, they don't, I've already told you. I don't care about anyone else, I only care about you."

Again, the breath feels like it's been knocked out of me. "Oh, Cato," is all I can manage to say. "I really care about you too, but I don't want to hurt you. You need to just forget about me, or it'll really hurt you when I die. And even if by some miracle I survive like you want me to, I think I'd go crazy trying to live without you," I tell him truthfully.

I always thought I knew what I wanted, until I met Cato. I don't know what to do. If Cato somehow finds a way to let me live, I'll have to live without Cato, and for some reason I don't want to. And I couldn't live with the guilt either, knowing that he'd sacrificed himself for me. I still don't want to die, because that means abandoning Rose, but I don't want Cato to die either.

He doesn't say anything. Something takes over me, and I lean over and kiss him, on the lips. He seems just as surprised as me, but then he wraps his arms around me, and kisses me back.

For a brief few minutes I'm lulled into a false sense of security; I almost forget about everything else, I'm only focused on Cato.

We pull apart, and I bury myself into his shirt. Why did I do that? That was so unlike me, but I suppose I might never get another chance to kiss him, might as well take it now.

"How d'you feel now?" he whispers.

I shrug into his chest. "I'm glad I've found you, but now I don't want to lose you."

"Hey," he says, stroking my hair gently. "Maybe there's a way we can both live."

"Maybe..." I say doubtfully. Cato's demented.

~

I wake with a start the next morning. I'm lying alone; Cato must've snuck out early to avoid being caught.

Today more than ever, I don't want to leave the safety I my bed. I'm going in the games today.

I pull the pillow over my head and hope Violetta forgets about me. She doesn't.

"Penelope! Up, now. Two hours till the hovercraft takes off!"

Hovercraft? What hovercraft? Oh great.

I get up; no point annoying her on a day like this. I quickly shower, and put on the clothes left out for me. Saffra hammers on the door, demanding to braid my hair. I sigh and let her in.

"And you know, people will use your long hair to their advantage. They'll use it to grab you from behind and slit your throat, so you'd better keep it in front of you," she says casually, halfway through my French braids.

"Right," I say, trying to stop myself shaking.

"Okay, then, I'll see you just before you go in the arena. You'd better go and grab some breakfast."

I nod weakly, and shakily get to my feet. I look around at the posh room I'll never see again.

I go to breakfast to find that, thankfully, only Cato's sitting there. "Hey," he says smiling, looking completely at ease. I sit down opposite him.

"You'll need to eat as much as you can, Penny," Cato says.

I shake my head. "I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat something," he pushes.

"No, I feel a bit sick actually," I say honestly.

"Tough. You need to eat." He puts a pancake on a plate and pushes it towards me, making my stomach turn. "Please, Penny."

I gingerly pick up a knife and fork and attempt to eat it, whilst Cato pours me a glass of water. "Here," he says, and hands it to me. "Right, as soon as the clock gets down to zero, I want you to run away from the bloodbath, as fast as you can. It's not worth risking it. Don't step off the platform thing early, or it'll blow you to bits. I'll come and find you later, like I told you."

He launches into a huge speech in survival and hiding, whilst I nod at appropriate moments and struggle through my pancake.

"And remember if you really need water you have to go down hill, you'll eventually come to a stream or a pond."

I nod.

"Have you only eaten that much?" he says, looking down at my plate. I thought I was doing well with half a pancake, but clearly not.

"S-sorry."

He doesn't have time to reply, because Violetta bursts through the door. "Time too go," she says, far too enthusiastically for my liking.

"Come on!"

I start shaking.