Know Your Worth

Chapter 6

Thanksgiving is coming up ! :-D

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After what happened last night, images of my uncle returned in morbid detail. I've worked hard to not remind myself of the way I am now because of him. I hate seeing myself as the victim because everyone else sees me that way still to this day. But Mohan just brought it all back. When I was facing the same problem back then, my mother said it was the Gods' way of saying I have worse to come and to be prepared. That the grief for my stolen purity will pass because it is just a "phase". But thirteen years later I'm still battling the emotional and inner physical scars he permanently left on me. When I tried to sleep, I broke down instead. Not from pity for myself, but defeat. I was defeated because I couldn't defend myself. Defeated because I don't know how to stop the little girl inside from crying in pain. That she couldn't save herself for her future lover.

So this morning, I was feeling the normal beyond anger again. I was furious that his dead state can still haunt me. Telling me I will never give myself to a man the way every woman should.

Athena's comfort wasn't helping me at all. She kept putting her head under my hand for me to rub her. But all it did was make me think of all the girls in the world that are forced into doing something they really don't want to do. That they aren't fit to do. Someone out there is lying on their back, on their knees, on all fours in pain. They're feeling helpless knowing they've been defeated.

To stop my mind from thinking up another image, I went to train with Ron. He was the one who found me on my back. I couldn't have been more thankful for his life. Other than my mother, he was there for me when I re-lived those torturous memories. He taught me how to deal with the pain and the anguish through boxing, wrestling, and self-defense. He's one of the main reasons why I want to be a fighter.

"Had a nightmare?" Ron's cool voice asked. He was holding the punching bag to keep it from moving. The hair in front of my face was already wet with sweat. My eyes were starting to burn when it would slowly drip into the corners of my eyes. I didn't bother to use the gloves today because I felt like using my bare hands. I wanted to get an idea of what it would feel like to punch my dear mate in the face after the stunt he tried to pull the other night. My shoulders and forearms were burning. There was no air conditioner to cool me down. My body felt like a furnace but my wolf was giving me the energy to continue with my performance. Her anger is a more potent kind of anger when it comes to my past.

I pictured the bag with the face of all the pedophiles. My violators face. I punched their yellow rotting teeth that were turning black from the gums. Their left eye is halfway shut combining into one large purple-black mass. I made sure his nose would permanently face the right with an obvious hump on the bridge. 

Stepping back to give my arms a break, I threw my right leg up for my foot to meet the bag. But then Ron moved it behind him and grabbed my foot. It was only an inch away from meeting his hard face. 

"Last time. Why are you upset?" he asked, tone matching his facial expression. 

"Can you let go of my foot please?" I asked gripping my hip feeling a cramp coming on from him holding my foot so high.

"Did I hurt you ?" he asked. Obviously regretting the move.

"No. It's not like you broke it." I walked towards the wall closest to us and sank to the floor to drink my Gatorade. He sat down next to me.

"When you're ready to speak you can start." He said before taking a sip of his own drink.

I nodded. I stretched my legs for a while to try to calm my heart rate and bring down my temperature. Wolves may be hotter than normal, but too much heat can be hazardous.