Know Your Worth

Chapter 8

Tis' Season To Be Jolly (Note the irony later ). Happy Reading :-)

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It's almost six o'clock. It's been hours and Tristan still has not come and I was growing impatient from being alone with Mohan still at the end of the sofa. He has fallen asleep now, bored from a program about bigfoot. I couldn't focus on what was showing on the TV because of the tension between he and I. But when he fell asleep and I was able to see some people "almost" catch the mysterious creature for the millionth time, I realized how long I was focused on him and not the show anymore. My wolf wanted me to get closer to him.

I rolled my eyes at her desperation.

Stop, I told her.

I wonder what would happen if I got closer to him. Would I have to touch him or just sit there? Perhaps lay my head on his back or keep my distance? Maybe run my hand through his hair... But he was turned at an awkward angle. It would feel weird if I did such a thing. But maybe I should give him a blanket. I'll use that excuse to get off my ass and do something. My inactivity was starting to drive me crazy. But I don't want him to wake up. I don't want him to talk to me. I had enough of that this morning.

I looked at his sleeping figure again. He was resting his head on his arms as his arms rest on the arms of the sofa.

That even sounds awkward... This whole situation is awkward.

I growled inwardly at the position my parents and tristan left me in when I could be doing something productive. I was thinking of all the ways I can get back at them when he spoke.

"Are you really growling at me?" he asked remaining still.

"Wow a kiss wasn't required to wake the sleeping beauty." I joked. "They haven't found bigfoot." I lied changing my voice monotone.

"Because he's a myth." he said finally moving to sit upright and watch what was on the screen.

"We were once a myth." I argued.

"No we weren't. Right now we're a myth to them. Only we know the truth." he said referring to the humans just outside the woods.

"Yea." I agreed.

"I have a question."

"No."

"Why were you staring?" he suddenly asked.

I blinked at the sudden straightforward question. I stayed silent for a few minutes trying to keep my rising anger in check. 

"Am I supposed to watch my show with my eyes shut?"

"You weren't watching at your show. I can tell when you're lying."

"Well I must have been staring at the ceiling because I wasn't staring at you either you egotistical alpha." I lied again. "Drop it."

"Are you kidding me?" He asked, sounding concerned he added,"Do you not know the strong emotional energy you give off in just two minutes. Imagine for over four hours. I could hardly sleep, I thought I was having a nightmare a few times until I realized it was coming off of you."

"You have your own house to sleep in."

"Lana."

"Again, it was not about you." I said ignoring the feeling I got when he said my name.

"Oh so you're mad they can't seem to find the animal they've been videotaping since 2011. Really? It's fake."

"I can get upset with fiction."

He let out a hard breath. "You do a lot of thinking up there Lana, and it's not good stuff."

"Yeah I do, and none of it is any of your concern. So don't get ahead of yourself."

"Well I am concerned because most of it was so negative. I've never met anyone so angry."

"I'm not having this conversation with you."

"You are. You putting this stubborn iron wall between us since we met in the yard is unfair."

I stayed silent feeling my face heat up. It felt like he was degrading me. And I was hating every second of it. I wanted to smack his face with my sweaty palms for talking to me in the first place.

The worst part was that he was right. I do have a lot of anger and hate in me from my past experiences. I should be over it by now. Shit, a human could probably handle my life better than I do. But I couldn't help but feel resent towards any man I see. The gender built to be stronger than me by the gods. I resented them for it. For partnering me up with such a creation.

I wanted him to leave.

I wanted to go to my room.

I wanted to break down and cry at my own self pity.

I wanted to lash out at him for being so perfect.

I wanted to go back to when he was asleep so I could have just gotten him the blanket so that I could descend back to my room.

I wanted to be back at my hammock. 

"What happened to you?" He asked. His tone sweet. Pity is all I hear.

I couldn't believe this. I didn't want to explain what happened to me. I didn't want to talk about it because talking leads to thinking. And thinking leads to pictures and old emotions resurfacing. I couldn't.

But I felt I had to to get him off my back. So I did the least I could do which was owe an explanation.

"I don't trust you because I have lost trust for everyone. I don't even trust my own pack, excluding the people closest to me. My wolf doesn't even trust you."

"But she-"

"She's in heat. What else could you expect from a female wolf who just met her given mate, Mohan?" I asked in a low voice.

"Who would make you think such a thing?" he asked in a slow, low voice.

I narrowed my eyes. "That's something you won't know for a very long time. So drill that in your hard skull and get off your hope-horse. Go to work or one of those meetings because you're not needed here right now. Not for a while." I snarled. 

I grabbed the remote and shut the TV off before getting up to go to my bedroom.

Once I changed and got into bed with athena, the closing of the front door was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep for the rest of the night.

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Short but sweet huh.