Mind Reconstructive

Tides rising

In the end, no one is invincible. Everyone has a weak spot in their armor.

These words resound in my head as I come to. They are not my own, which frightens me.

I am still in shock of the things I have just seen and I tremble as I attempt to lift myself off the cold cement where I have fallen a second time.Due to the position of the sun and the way my surroundings are situated I presume I was only out for a couple of seconds, which is good.

Nevertheless, as I stand upright, a lady comes running up to me, her face etched with concern and alarm.

"Are you alright?" she asks me hurriedly, "Did you have a seizure? Do you require medical assistance?"

Her voice is full of worry as she looks me up and down. she seems to be trying to assess any injuries I may have received.

"Yes, yes I'm alright. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to alarm you, I just felt light-headed and tripped. It's low blood sugar, but I'll be alright." I smile at her reassuringly.

If there's one thing I've learned ho to do, it's lie to adult. They don't really care, they just want to make sure your okay so they don't get in trouble themselves, or have to deal with a guilty concionse. They feel a slight responsibility, but they don't really give a care about you, so it's pretty darn easy to fool them.

The woman nods, relieved it seems. I smile again and walk away as calmly as possible, though I'm still trembling.

I wonder what it's like for her, the woman who just addressed me. She's dressed in expensive clothes and has her makeup done just right, not too much, not too little. She seems happy. I wonder what her life is like.

I would love to crawl into another persons mind, if only for a few minutes, just to understand them, see their life, feel what they feel.

I probably sound like a complete stalker but no, I'm not. I just wonder sometimes.

Either way, I suppose it's hopeless to think about. Mind-hopping is impossible anyways.

As I walk home, I contemplate the mornings events. I decide to tell no one of my odd experience coming home from the par. (Running from Dare and his brother is the correct term, but I'm not going to admit to that.)The only thing telling someone would do or me is get me on medication again, and that's not something I want. drugs scare me. Call it the flashbacks, call it the memories, call it the pain-killer addiction that runs in my family. Drugs still scare me. I'd rather lose my mind through My 'disorder' then through meds.

So now as well as being a victim of panic-attacks, anxiety, and now hallucinations, I'm paranoid as well.

Lovely.

I shove my hands deeper into the pockets of my hoodie, scowling as i walk home. I am so sick of this. completely and utterly fed up with my life.

why am I even here?

Because-Because...

And that's the worst thing so far today. I cannot think of a reason I ought  to be living.I feel like laying down right here in the middle of the side-walk and crying-or ceasing to breathe completely.

It's honestly tempting, but i won't. Because if I left right now, I would lave a mess for Georgia to clean up. Some people would use that as a reason. 'People love you' they say. But it's not enough. If I am not contribution to society, if I am incapable of loving back, I am useless, and there is no reason for me to exist. And by the time I have finished this paragraph of thought, I have reached the house.

Could I call it home? I am unsure. floating mass made up of atoms that shouldn't exist shouldn't have a home.But I must stop these depression thoughts, and move, and be alright for Georgia's sake. Can't have her worrying.

Glancing at the time on my iPod, I discover it's nearly nine AM, and I'm hungry. I'm also afraid my emotions will show on my face if I run into Georgia, so I take a moment on the steps to adjust my expression and appear tired from my 'run'.

I take a deep breath and quickly push the door open. The smell of slightly burnt toast wafts through the house. I breathe deeply, inhaling the scent for s long as possible.

When I lived in the same town as my blue-haired friend (her name was Ileah)  we would go to her house after school and have toast with cinnamon and sugar She never once suggested that  we go to my house instead, I think she understood I didn't want to go there. So we would walk to her house and talk and swap new music which we had recently discovered. She was calm all the time. Nothing ever bothered her, and it made me calm as well. I wish she were here. She was safe.

One cannot hide forever behind the shadow of another though, and I must push on, lest I drown myself in my own anxiety, or hang myself with my roping thoughts of apathy.

I assume it to be Andrea making the toast, but when I find the courage to step through the door I am greeted not by the sandy haired eight-year old, but by Mr. Willem himself.

I stop dead in my tracks. Out of the whole family He is the one I trust least. Perhaps it is because he is a guy, or because he is intimidatingly perceptive, as well as smart and seemingly closed off. I do not know.

He turns, hearing my shuffling footsteps, and gives me a somewhat wary smile.

"Hello Erill. You look...Out of breath, are you alright?"

His condescending tone makes me slightly indignant, but I smile and explain; "Yes, I'm alright, I was just on a run. Um, I'm going up to my room."

"Very well." He replies, looking nearly as relieved as I am.

Without another glance I run up the stairs, glad to escape.

I most likely seem like a judgmental, antisocial person, and while that may be partially true, I really don't hate Mr. Willem. I'm just very wary. I don't trust him, not that I really trust anybody anymore, but I hold less trust for him than for Georgia or the kids.

  don't ask me why. I'd rather not say.

A/N: So, this chapter is also short, also a filler, and also ends abruptly. How do you like that? Sorry it's kind of choppy, I was adding to it everyday in first period, so there were up to twenty-four hours between my writing sessions for this chapter. Either way, if nothing else, I hope it helped develop the characters a bit more. And I even added a new one for you! What do you think of Dare's brother? Once again, see a mistake, comment, and i'll try to fix it and constructive criticism is welcome. Happy reading!

             ~Kaelyn