The Diary of a 'Nerd'.

Chapter 4

Dear Diary, I'm so damn stupid. Why can't I just learn to be stronger? Why the hell am I so freaking stupid?!

* * *

"Do you mind doing some work?" I asked annoyed by the fact that all Ryan did was text and laugh and text and Laugh, while I changed the robot's undies.

Okay, they were diapers. But I like calling them undies cause. . . Well, United States Of America is an independent country and I can do whatever I want, as long as it's approved by the law. And I don't think that the constitution prevents me from calling a non living object's diapers- undies.

"I am doing work." He said blankly, still not looking up from his iPhone screen.

"Oh yeah, texting and laughing is really helpful." I said sarcastically.

I watched him sigh dramatically and drag his eyes away from his screen. He reached forward and awkwardly patted the robot's bald head as if it was the most difficult job on earth. "There. See, I helped!" He said in a monotone voice as he looked back at his mobile screen.

Ugh! I really hate him and his lazy ass.

"It's not fair Ryan! You always do this. Even when we use to - " I stopped myself at the right time but I was afraid I already said too much.

No, don't think about it. Don't think about it.

I repeated in my head as tears threatened to spill from the corners of my eyes. I closed my eyes and clenched my fists as I took in deep breaths to erase all the memories  I wanted to get out of my head for so long.

"Even when we use to , what Grace?" Ryan's voice brought me back to reality.

I could hear unsureness in Ryan's voice but I did not dare to look into his eyes. Instead I continued fixing the robot's undies suddenly finding them very interesting.

"Nothing." I said still looking at its undies as I tried to mask up my mixed emotions.

Oh look the undies have small blue dots symmetrically scattered on them.

"Hey, Grace... Are you alright?" He said. I saw his feet shuffle  from the couch across mine as he walked closer to me. For a moment, I actually heard a hint of concern in his voice, but I guess I was being delusional.

Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about it.

I continued looking at the undies even though I had run out of things to describe it with. I mean, it's a godforsaken underwear!

"Grace..talk to me. . ." He said softly as I felt a warm hand lightly lift my chin. I was met by a pair of dark brown orbs with a rim of hazel around the pupils. I so engrossed in the diaper that I hadn't noticed that Ryan was now standing on his knees so he could reach  my eye level as I sat on the couch.

Big mistake.

Just like that, the thousand memories I had been avoiding for so many years washed over me like a series of massive tidal waves, each wave draining every ounce energy from my body, leaving me torn, broken and weak.  But I willed myself to control my tears.

"G Bear?" He said using the ridiculous nickname he gave me when we were twelve. I felt Ryan's hot breath on my lips as he spoke. Our close proximity affecting me more than I wanted it to. The familiar warm sensation filled my body and the tingles going up and down my spine weren't helping either.

It had been so long since I heard that name The name just brought back a hundred more unwanted memories back in my head.

"I - I think you should go." I said with all the strength I could muster up. I was surprised at how strong my voice really sounded even though my inner conscience was far from strong.

"But Grace - "

"Leave!" I said shouting furiously as I cut him off and pushed him away. I tried to ignore the coldness that filled me. He sighed and ran a hand through his already naturally disheveled hair and walked out of the living room, but not before giving me one last look.

After I heard the front door shut with a loud thud, I let my emotions crumple. I felt hot  tears trickle down my cheeks. My mom was at work so I knew I was completely alone and I didn't have to worry about her seeing me like this.

I hate to cry in front of anyone, even my mum because it shows the others the stupid broken person I am.

All this just because, I remembered. 

I remembered every childish joke, every secret, every prank we played on others, every silly handshake, every stupid excuse made just to save each others back, I remembered when we were inseparable,I even remembered the first time our Grade 5 teacher caught us talking in class and made us write an apology note.  Every single memorable moment, I remembered. I remembered when we use to be Best Friends. _____________________________________________________________________________ A/N- Yes! I am alive. I'm so sorry for the long wait & the short chapter . . . went on vacation :3. Camping anyone? c; 

Anyway. . If anyone of you wants to make a banner pls do so! I'll dedicate the next chapter to you... c;  Thanks for reading! ;D Means alot!

Vote/Comment c; 

- Tanya :)