My Journey: Home (Sequel to My Journey) ***COMPLETED***

January 18, 2011

Sorry for the amount of time between my journal entries. I'm just super busy with the tour! Wait... who am I apologizing to?? The paper? That's good. Now i'm going crazy....

The coolest thing happened, then the worst thing happened!

Cool thing: We are now in Dallas, Texas and a friend of ours dropped in to preform with us! Can you guess?? Justin! He decided to come out and hang out. Then he was talked into preforming with us. Haha. Sucks to be him. But he didn't mind in the least. He's so nice and sweet. We had such an awesome time preforming!

Well then the worst thing happened after Justin got there. So we were hanging out and rehersing and stuff when I made a joke. It went something like this....

"I don't get why Alex Pettyfer is better than me!" Justin said.

"Because he's a man! And you're just a little boy!" I said instantly.

"Ohhhh. Burnnn!!" Everyone said together.

I just smiled as Justin stood there thinking of something to say. "Ahah! Nothing to say! Damn, I must have wounded your pride!" I laughed.

"I'm... Hurt." He finally said. Then he turned to Jesse. "Your girlfriend is mean! But oddly... Funny!" Justin laughed.

"I know. That's why I love her." He said, putting his arm around my waist.

I turned and looked at him. Then everyone went silent, waiting for my answer. When I didn't respond right away, he knew he said something wrong. I was unsure how I felt. Part of me thought of Ryan, the other part thought about how many people were around, and who heard him say that... I finally decided to speak, his body like a statue next to mine. "Can we talk? Somewhere else??..." I asked in a low voice.

He nodded, "yeah, sure." Then we walked away, standing arms length apart. We reached the bus and he turned to face me, "did I say something wrong??" He asked.

I thought for a second. "Jesse... I just... I don't know how I feel right now. I mean, I like you. No doubt. But I don't know if I love you yet...."

He nodded, then went off. "You don't know if you love me yet, or if you could ever love me?" He spat.

"What does that mean??"

"It means that you're too much in love with fucking Ryan Sheckler that he's blinded you! You can't love anyone else I don't think! You're too preoccupied with him that you can't see what's in front of you!" He yelled.

"Not true! Yes, I love Ryan, I'm in love with him. That doesn't mean that i'm incapable of loving anyone else! How in the hell do you have the right?!? I haven't talked to him since we left! He knows we're busy! It's not like he's going to interrupt me while i'm working!!"

"Tell me. Why did you start going out with me? You and Matt were over. You had the perfect opportunity to date him! And you passed it up? Why??"

I sighed, "because. I liked you. And you liked me. I don't want to only date one person in my life. I don't want to make the decision of who i'm going to be with the rest of my life when i'm only 16!"

"Is that all?" He asked, not believing that that was the only reason. He knew so well, like he could read my mind. Either that, or he pays attention....

I sighed again. "No. He made me promise him that I would date someone else before him. That I would find someone else...."

That set Jesse off. "So you never even liked me!?? Was it just for the job or to make me look like a total idiot!? You just wanted to use me. Date me. Then you would get Ryan!??!"