Escapism

Chapter 10

10 

They?

Déjà vu, a feeling that comes to you when you feel that a current action or a specific situation have happened before and it's repeated again, a feeling where you feel that you've seen this moment from somewhere but you don't know when or where, a feeling when you feel so much confusion about what's happening because you know that this have happened before.

Some people say that when you are just a little child in your mother's belly, your whole life is shown in-front of your eyes like a movie, a film and you are the main character, the hero of the film but at the same time, a watcher who sees his life in-front of his eyes.

That's why when you also die the same thing happens to you, your whole life is repeated in-front of your eyes. You see yourself making mistakes, sins, faults and many other things that you will be finally punished for.

Sometimes, déjà vu doesn't have to be a feeling or situation sometimes it can be just a piece of thing, a pencil, a paper, anything that reminds you of a specific thing. Sometimes it can be just a kiss, a touch or maybe just a hug.

A feeling that I felt right now when Nicolas hugged me. Like that I was so used to his hug, his touch seems so familiar, his smell feels that I smelt it a hundred and millions of times and everything about him just seemed ̶ ̶ so familiar.

I didn't know what I was doing ̶ ̶ As I was letting a man that I only saw once hugging and comforting me ̶ ̶ But I couldn't move, I couldn't tell him to let me go. For some reason I was so afraid if I told him to let me go he won't ever come back.

He was still hugging me with his hands caressing my back and his mouth saying soothing words that were playing as a lullaby to me and telling me secretly to just stay here between his arms and keep crying.

I bit my lower to keep my sob from coming out loud and my breath were shaky, a shaky inhale and a shaky exhale both coming in and out hardly making me feel as if I going to faint any moment from the burden of breathing.

He pulled away softly and held my face between both of his hands softly while whipping the tears that have fallen with his thumb.

His blue ̶ brownish eyes (If that was even a color) was looking into my brown ̶ golden ones with so much admiration as if I was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his whole life and his plump pink lips were formed into a sad smile that held so much feelings ̶ ̶ Satisfaction, pity, longing and hurt ̶ ̶ that told me silently that he was here.

I took a deep, shaky breath and closed my eyes, praying that when I open them this will all be a stupid dream and that he will not be here.

But it was no dream, it was 100% reality with everything in it.

I pulled away slowly from him, making his hands fall to his sides and a sigh escaping from his mouth; knowing that I would return my walls back again with him far away from it, with him away and I crying in his arms will never happen again as long as I'm in my right mind.

"What are you doing here? You should be out of the country after I let you go" I said coldly without looking at him, instead my eyes looking at the dusty drapes.

He sighed calmly and stood up.

"Pardon, Lillian. I didn't mean to crash in your place neither to spy on you but ̶ I think you need my help" he said politely but at the same time, trying not to be so formal.

I laughed bitterly and looked at him with my eyes showing no emotion except coldness.

"Oh do I. tell me monsieur Nicolas how do I need your help?" I said challenging laced in my voice.