Escapism

Chapter 12

12

 "Mental Pain"

Pain, a feeling that comes to you from a certain action that had happened. Pain like so many things are classified into categories; there's physical pain that only affects your body when someone punches you or hurt your body or when you've a certain disease and affects your heart or any other organ.

There's mental pain that affects your behaviors, actions and can even decrease you eating routine. And there's pain that contain both, physical and mental pain... you can get hurt so much by a person that your heart gets hurt so badly and you may pass out. A person can hurt you so much that you get depression, hair starts falling from its roots, eyes get blurry from the regular crying, and your body starts hurting you as the heart can't function normally anymore.

In dreams, you can't feel any physical pain but you can feel the mental pain, the heart aching, the headache that comes after a long crying session, the throat burning from screaming so much.

I was in a house, that I've never been in before, the house was full of antiques and old furniture—it looked from the 80's or something—with a little dust on the top of each piece of furniture.

I was wearing a floral dress—something I don't usually wear—and a white flat shoes that turned into a faded yellow, from age I guess. I was standing in the middle of the room, my eyes roaming around the house to search for someone else here beside me.

I heard footsteps behind me, I turned out to see a blurry figure—a boy to be exact—and immediately there was pain in my heart when I saw him, weak anger started rising and my eyes started watering. My heart hurt me so much that I wanted to take it out, it was pounding so fast that I thought it will stop working.

He kept walking closer, and the pain in my heart increased more and more as he got closer. There were so many feelings inside me when he came close, so close that there were a few feet between us... there was anger, longing, hurt and—love.

He stretched his left arm and put it on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I automatically shrugged his hand from my shoulder and took some steps back so there was a respectable distance between us.

"I needed you—I yelled as my eyes started to water—I needed you so fucking much but you weren't there for me" I tried to wipe the tears from my eyes as quickly as possible so he couldn't see it.

His face was full of hurt and guilt that I didn't understand, I didn't understand anything that was happening right now.

"I've lost everything for you, everything and the time I needed you the most, and you weren't there for me" my heart kept pounding so fast, so hard that I thought I was going to pass out. Tears started pouring from my eyes as I yelled at him.

He tried to get closer but I took steps back so fast that I hit the wall behind me. He stopped when he saw me take the steps and looked at me with a face full of guilt and sadness.

"Are you afraid of me Lilac?" he asked, so quietly.

I looked the other direction so I could escape from his eyes that were watching me so closely that I felt so uncomfortable.

"Lillian answer me... are you afraid of me?" he asked, a little louder this time.

I looked at him with the tears streaming down my face, every tear would run down my cheeks and fall down to the ground making a small sound that could be heard through the thick silence that hung between us.