Don't Be...Dead

3- The Grave

I went to visit his grave with Mrs. Hudson. I hadn't gone to the funeral. I was his best friend. Everyone expected me to go and deliver the eulogy. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Together Mrs. Hudson and I rode in silence. When we arrived at the graveyard, she led me to his headstone. Delicately, she bent down and placed the flowers at the base.

"There’s all the stuff, all the science equipment. I left it all in boxes. I don’t know what needs doing. I thought I’d take it to a school." I half listened as she talked, my mind far away from where we were.

"Would you ...?"

I shook my head, looking at the gold lettering on the polished stone. "I can’t go back to the flat again – not at the moment." Delicately she took my arm, trying to comfort me. "I’m angry," I said, taking a deep breath.

"It’s okay, John. There’s nothing unusual in that. That’s the way he made everyone feel." She gazed at the smooth black marble in front of us. "All the marks on my table; and the noise – firing guns at half past one in the morning!"

"Yeah," I said, only half listening.

"Bloody specimens in my fridge. Imagine – keeping bodies where there’s food!"

"Yes." I closed my eyes. That first day... That first day I had ever met him... It felt like just yesterday. But here he was...

"And the fighting! Drove me up the wall with all his carryings-on!"

"Yeah, listen: I-I’m not actually that angry, okay?"

"Okay." She pulled her arm free and turned to go. "I’ll leave you alone to, erm ..." she paused, her voice breaking. "... you know." I heard her start to cry as she walked away. I waited until she was out of ear shot then looked back to check on her.

"Um ... mmm," I mumbled, staring at the grave. What do I say? What could I possibly say? "You ... you told me once that you weren’t a hero. Umm ... there were times I didn’t even think you were human, but let me tell you this: you were the best man, and the most human ... human being that I’ve ever known and no-one will ever convince me that you told me a lie, and so ... There." Yeah. That didn't sound totally bad. Okay, it did. I blew out a breath and thought for a moment. I looked around. Nobody was here. I could speak my mind. Walking over to the grave stone, I brushed my fingers against the top. "I was so alone, and I owe you so much." I thought of more, but really there was nothing more to say. That one sentence covered everything. I took a shaky breath. "Okay." I started to walk away but only got to the foot of the grave before I turned. "No, please, there’s just one more thing, mate, one more thing: one more miracle, Sherlock, for me. Don’t be-" my voice broke and I tried as hard as I possibly could to keep the tears back. "... dead. Would you do ...? Just for me, just stop it." I moved my hand to gesture at the grave with the flowers sitting on. "Stop this."

I sighed and let my hand drop. Tears were now freely flowing down my face I covered my eyes and let them spill out. Slowly, I raised my head and let out a ragged breath. For a moment I stood there waiting. I don't know what I was waiting for. Maybe I was hoping he would step out from the trees. I don't know. After a moment I stood straight and, wiping the tears from my eyes, walked away.