Perfect Doesn't Last Forever

Chapter Twelve

Perfect Doesn’t Last Forever- Chapter 12

            I felt the warmth beneath me, growing and soaking through.  I couldn’t figure out what it was, creating the uncomfortable feeling, but everything was fuzzy and then suddenly I became aware of the sharp pain stabbing at my abdomen.  I could barely make out Damien’s form frantically hovering over me, but I could hear his faint voice talking to someone on the phone before I really started fading out.  And then, I woke up, groggy, but more alert than before. 

            My eyes opened slowly and I was sore.  Hayley was curled up at the end of the bed and my parents were slumped over on each other on the couch beside me.  I lifted my arm to my abdomen, the source of my soreness, and rubbed it, letting out a groan at the surprising tenderness of the area.  It was like a cramp, but worse; however, not as bad as the pressures from giving birth. 

            “Brittany?” my mom whispered, stirring from her spot.  “Are you awake?”

            “Mom?” I croaked, adjusting the position of the oxygen tube in my nose and in the process tangling my arm in a few wires.  “Where am I?”

            “Honey,” she sighed in relief, shaking my dad awake and rushing to my side.  “You’re in the hospital.”

            “What happened?” I asked her as I looked at her and my dad.  Grief filled their faces as they moved to sit at the side of my bed.  My dad carefully picked Hayley up and held her in his arms so that we wouldn’t wake her, when I suddenly realized Damien was nowhere to be found. “Where’s Damien?”

            “Damien called us in a panic when the ambulance took you away.  He couldn’t leave Hayley, so we got here as soon as we could, but he’s not allowed to be in this room because he isn’t technically family.  He went home a few hours ago,” my mom calmly explained, holding my cold and clammy hands in her warm ones. 

            “What happened?” I repeated, still not understanding why I was in the hospital. 

            “The doctor said you had a miscarriage,” my mom said quietly.

            A miscarriage?  I wasn’t pregnant.  I couldn’t have been.  I took that stupid pill every single day.  Noah and I were careful.  How could I not know that I was pregnant?

            “Brittany, how could you be pregnant?” my dad questioned, rubbing Hayley’s back when she twitched in her sleep.  “You aren’t with anyone, right?”

            How could I tell them now?  Not only was I pretty sure Noah and I were over, but this was hardly the time or place to tell them.   Tears stung my eyes, and I tried to hold them back but I couldn’t.  I disappointed them.  Again.  I held my arms out towards Hayley, wanting to hide my shame behind Hayley, but my dad shook his head. 

            “The doctor said you shouldn’t hold her for a day or so,” my dad said as he walked to gently place Hayley on the couch he and my mom once occupied.  “Brittany, talk to us.”

            “I... I… can’t” I stuttered, tears streaming down my face.  I didn’t understand why I was so upset.  I didn’t know I was pregnant and Noah and I weren’t even together.  Why did losing this baby mean so much?  I cried harder, thinking about the baby that could have been, and the now lost relationship.  Yes, I’d made the conscious decision to be with Damien after Noah gave me that ultimatum, but Noah and I created a life, a life that I was too careless to know about and take care of.  It was a life gone.