Perfect Doesn't Last Forever

Chapter Four

Perfect Doesn't Last Forever- Chapter 4

            I couldn’t say that I was one hundred percent ready for my psych midterm, but I was out of time.  As I stood outside of Damien’s house, waiting for someone to open the door, I cursed myself for partying this weekend.  Yes, going to the party was a great experience and I finally got to have my college experience, but I should have studied.  I knew that I could succeed at my classes and continue my streak of good grades because I did it in high school when Hayley was still a baby, but I couldn’t find my groove. 

            “Hey Brittany,” Natalie greeted me when the door finally swung open.  “Damien is in the back.  He says he wants to talk to you.”

            I hesitantly walked in, wishing I could just take Hayley and go, but I knew Damien wouldn’t let me have anything until he got what he wanted.  “Okay…”

            “Don’t worry, I’ll watch Hayley for you guys,” Natalie assured me as we walked through the house and out to the backyard. 

            “Mama!” Hayley exclaimed, running as fast as she could to me.  I smiled at her and pulled her into my arms.  “Hi mama.”

            “Hi darling,” I said, kissing the side of her head.  “How are you?  Did you have fun with Daddy?” I glanced over at Damien, who was walking to sit at the outdoor eating area, and gave him a brief smile before setting Hayley back down on the ground. 

            “Daddy and I play all day and we swim too,” she told me excitedly, pointing at her damp hair.  “Can we swing now?”

            “Soon baby, daddy and I need to talk first,” I told her, fingering the knots in her hair out.  “Go play with Natalie okay?  We can do swings later.”

            “Come on Hales,” Natalie said, holding her hand out to Hayley.  “Let’s go inside.”

            Hayley reluctantly took Natalie’s hand and stuck her lip out at me.  Her eyes were pleading me to play on the swings with her and as much as I wanted to avoid the talk with Damien and just go home, I also just wanted to get the talk over with.  I gave her an apologetic smile and kissed the tip of her nose lightly.  “Be good,” I whispered to her and then went to join Damien at the table.  Plastering a huge smile on my face, I sat down and greeted him, “hey Damien.  Natalie said you wanted to talk.  What’s going on?”

            “Hey Britt,” he said.  His tone was different.  He didn’t sound bitter, but rather friendly compared to his tone the past few months and he didn’t sound forced.  He didn’t choke on the t’s in my name or grit his teeth as he said my name.  His jaw was still a locked, but he was different.  He scratched the back of his head, assessing the situation and clearly still deciding how he wanted to continue.  I nervously crossed my legs, waiting to be blinded by what was in store, and looked at him in an attempt to read him, but he kept his gaze in his lap.  “Look, I wanted to say sorry for the way I acted the other day.  You made a mistake and it happens.  I shouldn’t have blown up at you.”

            “It’s fine,” I told him, shocked by his apology.  I didn’t know what else to say and I didn’t know what to do.  Before today, at this very moment, Damien seemed to be driving himself deeper and deeper into resentment and hearing him say sorry, I didn’t know what to feel.  I could tell if he was sincere or if his parents or sister put him up to it. 

            “Look, the other day, when we thought we lost Hayley, it really scared me.  I know that I’m not as dedicated to being a parent as you are, but she’s my daughter and I love her.  You just have to understand, that I’ve never really had to do any of the parenting stuff until a few months ago because she was always with you.  You always took care of her and you made sure she was healthy.  You always did the hard stuff and I just played with her.  That was what I was used to.  But this week, I actually stayed at home with her the entire five days and I realized how hard it really is to be a parent.”  He stared straight into my eyes, leaning towards me, and I saw the old Damien.  He was the guy that I met all those years ago, the guy I fell in love with, not the guy who was just the father of my baby.