A/N:
I apologize for the wait on this upload and it's short length. It was one of the more difficult entries I've had to write and, though short, is full of emotion. It just killed me to write this. I've grown close to Karen, believe it or not. If not her character but her place as the matriarch in our little ragtag family.
May 22, 2013
Journal,
The sun rose like any other day. The birds chirped, the air was warm, the trees swayed with the light breeze.
I turned on my side to find Kara asleep next to me. She, though shaken herself from last night's events, had helped me to bed. She lay with me, murmuring soothing and kind words until I had fallen asleep.
Constance tucked Bre into bed last night. I could hear her soft Irish accent wafting up the hall as she calmed her before taking baby Oliver to bed so Bre could get an uninterrupted night of sleep.
Boyd took care of Carrie, who had also been very close to Karen. They holed up in the living room, Boyd trying to cheer her up with stories from his youth. Every now and again a soft laugh was heard from downstairs, sometimes a muffled cry.
Sebastian took it upon himself to clean up the mess after the horde had been taken care of. He didn't sleep last night and was done before dawn broke. Wearing gloves, a face mask and coveralls, he dragged the bodies far away from the house to burn.
Because Karen wasn't turned, only torn to pieces, he buried what was left of her under a tree by the horse pasture. It was her favorite place to be and she loved the horses dearly, so he figured she'd have liked it to be her final resting place. A marker was put at the head of the soft mound and wildflowers were placed in a ring around it. It was simple but beautiful, just how Karen would have liked it.
I really hope she can see it, wherever she is and see the care that was put into by Sebastian and feel the love from us all as we sat around the grave, silent and lost in thoughts of the mother we lost.
Boyd, though the newest of the group, was emotional. His face was a mask of pain as he sat with one arm around a sobbing Carrie, his free hand on the wooden cross Sebastian had erected. He had developed a crush on her in the short time he'd been here. It was impossible for anyone not to love and care for her.
Always smiling, always happy. She lit up any room she entered with her bubbly personality. She loved everyone. Found some good in even the worst people and never judged anyone for their past sins. Oliver and Bre meant the world to her and I knew it was going to take Bre a long time to accept this.
Bre had opted out of coming to the grave with the rest of us and stayed back at the house with Oliver. She needed to do this on her own, at least at first. It was difficult for her to put down her walls around others and let them see her emotional side. Always the tough cookie, never one to cry. Last night was different, so unexpected, so sudden. There was no stopping the sobs that left her and she was embarassed by it.
I could feel Kara shaking beside me, her face buried into my side. I could feel the tears that streamed down her face, staining my tshirt. I sighed and pulled her closer, my heart breaking at her pain. I had to be the strong one for her, for us and so I swallowed my pain, blocked the tears that threatened to fall.
Connie sat beside Sebastian, her hand closed on his wrist, like she was afraid to lose another one of us. Her eyes were faraway and unfocused, her face stony as she stared into the distance at nothing in particular.
Boyd and Carrie were the first to leave. He practically had to carry her away and into the house. I could hear her loud and pained sobs as the two of them walked the path to the door. Connie's eyes followed them the whole way, darting around a few times and searching for any hidden terrors.
I couldn't stand what this was doing to us all and I don't think I can handle losing anyone else. Neil, Franchesca, Jordan and now Karen...I'll be damned if I let this happen again.
"Alright guys," I started after clearing my throat, "never again. Never will I let this happen again-"
"Bruce, this wasn't your fault." Kara said softly.
"Like hell it wasn't. I froze up. I should have pulled her up quicker. I should have just made her go ahead of me. It should be ME in that grave."
"She wouldn't have wanted that." Connie scolded. "You know that. She'd never have wanted that for any of us."
"Be that as it may, it shouldn't have been her and this won't happen again. Not on my watch." I said. "Starting today, we'll all carry a gun. All day, everyday and everywhere. No one is to go ANYWHERE out of the house alone. We'll always stick in groups of two or more. I know it's going to be a hassle, I know it's going to take longer and be harder to finish up the chores but I can't go through this again. We've gotten too comfortable and it's costed us dearly." I watched as they all dropped their gazes, hearing the truth in my words.
"You're right." Sebastian said, raising his head to meet my eyes. "This won't happen again, I promise you that. Starting today, we stick together, always." He stood from his spot by Karen's grave. "I'm going out to mend that fence. I need some manual labor to clear my head."
Connie jumped up and grabbed his arm. She'd been like that all morning, having to always be touching at least one of us. "Buddy system, I'm going with you." Sebastia. nodded and they walked toward the fence to survey the damage.
"Kara, are you ready to go in?"
A soft snore answered me. She was exhausted from the lack of sleep and the emotions running high. I scooped her up against me and carried her into the house, shushing Boyd and Carrie as I passed the kitchen. I walked slowly up the stairs and paused in front of our rooms. After a moment of thinking, I brought her into her own room and softly placed her on her bed. We weren't quite ready to be sharing a room yet. Last night was just, as I've already said, different.
After leaving Kara's room I turned to Bre's, knocking on her closed door. There was no reply so I pushed the door open just enough to peer inside. She was asleep on her bed, dried tears glistening on her cheeks. Ollie was curled up beside her, also sleeping, his tiny thumb shoved in his pursed mouth. I took a quilt from the floor and walked quietly over to the bed, placing it over them before leaning down to press a kiss to each of their heads. I'd make this up to Bre, however long it took, I'd make sure she forgave me for this. A sob escaped my lips as I left her room and I hurried into my own. I couldn't let anyone hear me like this. I had to keep myself together for the sake of the others.
I buried my face into my pillow and screamed. I screamed for Karen, I screamed for myself and I screamed for putting my family through the worst kind of pain. I don't know how long I cried but after what seemed like a lifetime, I ran out of tears. One last sob passed from my dry, sore throat and I fell asleep, my body wasted from the pain I felt.
