First I'm sorry for the book but I need opinions on this situaion:
I just don’t know what to do with our relationship anymore.
Some back story:
I got laid off of my job and shortly after DF and I found out I was pregnant. He makes really good money, like enough to more than support us good. But he was having major problems paying more than half of the bills. He would treat me like I was haphazardly spending HIS money when I was doing nothing but cutting out things I liked to have. A good example is he would get upset because I got deodorant since I didn’t get the really cheap kind (um, why should I buy cheap as deodorant when you can afford the good stuff?). Anyway, the house we live in is in my name. I purchased it BEFORE we were even dating. He literally paid the mortgage for one month before I couldn’t take his guilt tripping over anything that money want spent on. I will admit I didn’t handle it the best way but I snapped and told him to get the hell out of my house.
A month or so later we decided to go to therapy, we both decided that even if it wasn’t worth working out (which we both did want to work it out) that this would help us be better co parents. Well things started getting better (nothing was fixed but it was getting better). I started getting my unemployment finally and it got to a point that we decided that if we wanted to make the relationship work like we said we did, we needed to do it together so he moved back in to better work on those daily problems together. We loosely talked about me staying home with the kids so his mother wouldn’t have to raise them. I am trying to go to school to be an engineer, and there is no way I can handle going to school, working full time and two kids. (I have a DD from a previous marriage, but he walked out and never looked back so her father isn’t in the picture at all). He completely shot it down, because he didn’t want to spend more than half on the bills. I brought it up in therapy and he made an excuse that we couldn’t afford it.
I knew this was BS because I had put together and excel spreadsheet that calculated everything and showed it to him. We would still have an extra $400 a month EVERY month after all of our bills were paid. I felt so hurt that he said that. I decided to let it go, because at the time we had way bigger issues to work on.
Now move forward to about a week ago. We went to our last therapy session. The therapist and us decided this would be the last because we no longer needed the guidance of another person. While we still had things to work on, we were getting through them and things were starting to work out better.
Then last week happened…
He had some family visiting from out of the country, and his parents were going to take them to Vegas for a few days. One of the members couldn’t make it because of an issue with their passport. So they had room for only one more person on their trip. DF was lucky that his regular days off were 2 of the 3 days for the trip. But he would have to call out on one of the days for the trip. At first I was a little standoffish of him calling out of work, especially since their trip would be lasting for 2 weeks. So he would have all that time to spend with them. I decided to just let him have the fun and go, despite that I wasn’t completely okay with it, I figured it was one of those times worth of compromise. Then he got a call from his boss the morning before. He’s a guard and his guard card was going to expire by the end of the month (a few days away)and his boss showed no sign of the processing of its renewal. DF wasn’t even sure if he had mailed in his renewal!!! Best case scenario he would be out of work for the next 3 weeks (that’s how long it takes it to process it) and they don’t fire him. Because of this drastic turn I asked him not to go to Vegas, because he didn’t need to risk losing his job anymore than he already was. He was going to call out and pretend to be sick to go, not use a vacation day! We both knew that there was no way in hell he would make as much as he is now anywhere else doing what he is now. He agreed that it wasn’t the best choice, but that he was going to go to Vegas anyway. In a very calm manner I told him that if he went he was going to hurt me deeply and cause unimaginable damage to our relationship. He acted like I was making him choose between his family and me. I stood my ground and he made his choice.
