I literally just realized that I fucked up in the last chapter. Saying Brendon was in his office. He doesn't fucking have one UGH! I mixed him up with Jon. I'll fix it.
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I didn't wanna leave him at the hospital by himself, just in case he wakes up. Jon and Spencer left a while ago.
But I needed to go home and get somethings. Like my phone and the stupid gift I bought for Brendon yesterday before he got home. Before he told me he didn't wanna be with me. I doubted I would give it to him, considering what happened last night. He wants Dallon. Not me. I'm just no good it seems. I always manage to fuck up whatever relationship I'm in and this time, I have no goddamn idea what I've done wrong.
I stopped on the way back to the hospital to get something to eat, but I didn't wanna eat. I felt sick. But I get lightheaded if I go without eating. So I had to force myself.
There was an empty parking spot near the hospital entrance and I took it, getting out of my car and locking the doors. I slowly made my way inside and to the elevators, pushing the up button and impatiently waiting for the damn thing to open.
Once I was inside, I pressed the button to Brendon's floor and leaned against the wall, exhaling through my nose and closing my eyes. I could sleep here. Right against this wall.
But the dinging sound from the elevator made my eyes open. I walked out and headed down the hall to Brendon's room.
"What's the last thing you remember?" I stopped right outside Brendon's door when I heard voices.
"Um," he's awake. "I was in my car. I was crying and hitting the steering wheel. I think I blacked out after that."
"You don't remember taking the sleeping pills?" The doctor asked.
"No." Brendon said softly. I pushed the door open and walked inside, sliding the curtain over to make myself seen. Brendon's eyes slightly widened and then he looked down.
"I'll be back in a few to check on you." The doctor said to Brendon. He turned and faced me, nodded and walked out of the room. I looked back at Brendon and sighed.
"What were you thinking Bren?" I half whispered. He shrugged.
"I don't even know what happened." His voice cracked and he started crying.
I found myself instantly going to his bedside and wrapping him in my arms the best I could.
"I was so fucking scared," I whispered. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made you leave."
"You had every right to." His arms were around my neck and he buried his head in the crook of my neck. I pulled back and sat down on his bed, facing him and taking his hand in mine.
"What the hell happened, baby? What made you change your mind about us?" Brendon squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head while the tears continued to down his face.
"I don't wanna hurt you." He choked out. I furrowed my eyebrows and gave a questioning look.
"What d'you mean? How would you hurt me?"
"Because I'm so confused right now and... I don't know what to do anymore." He looked out the wiped his face.
"Baby, you have to explain it to me. I don't understand." Brendon turned his head and looked at me, a sad, almost depressing smile on his lips.
"I'm not over him, Ryan." He said, just above a whisper. I closed my eyes, put my head down and sighed. "Everything just happened so fast and I didn't even have the time to actually move on. I know we were seeing each other before Dallon and I broke up, but I loved him, you know? And then I find out he'd been cheating on me and I just fell apart. I shouldn't have cared. I didn't want to care. But just knowing he did that to me and I was so oblivious to it, it hurts. And I just feel like I need time to get over it. To get over him. I need to have some time alone so I can properly move on and I don't want to force myself to be happy. I actually wanna be happy and I can't do that if we're together."
