A Broken Life

Chapter 4

I dance, and stumble every inch of the house. I left Tommie about an hour ago, and now my drunken mind is trying to find him. I stumble a bit then fall. My head hits the wall, but all I can do is laugh. I stumble back up, and roam around the kitchen a bit.

I use the counter for support, and for a moment my head goes clear. It's weird it's like the weight of the alcohol just flew away. Sadness overcomes me as I realize what I've done. I'm always pushing people away, and I yelled at Jackson for caring about me. I need to stop pushing the people I care about away. I can't loose anybody else; I have to do something about it.

The alcohol slowly fills my head again as my body moves on it's own. Determined I find the one person I'm looking for and I do something I've been terrified of doing my whole life.

As I find my target, I look at him straight in the face, "I love you."

"Elle, your drunk." He smiles and taps his red, plastic cup against mine. The alcohol slowly creeping into his body also.

Sure, I might be a little crazy right now. I'm also broken, unloved, dizzy, and extremely, extremely drunk. "And I love you."

* * * *

Oh god my head hurts. Where am I? I sit up, my whole body sore. As I look around I can see my clothes spread across the floor. What the fudge nuggets? The grogginess fades away and I finally tie everything together. I was drunk, my clothes are on the floor, and this is not my room.

My heart races as I start to panic. Red flags and alarms go of in my head. My mind tells me I should turn to my right but I'm too afraid. This can't happen. Maybe I'm wrong, and maybe I'm just naked in this bed alone. Yeah that's it.

I turn and almost scream. No, don't scream, I tell myself. If you scream he'll wake up. Who exactly is he? I observe the brown hair, but then curse at myself because almost every guy I talk to has brown hair. Weird right? I grip onto the blanket tighter then sit up closer in an effort to see his face. Oh god no. I can't see his face, but I don't need too.

The vibrant blue color mixed in with his brown hair tells me everything I need to know. How could I be so stupid? God I am never going to another one of his parties ever again. Jackson was right, all Tommie wanted to do was get in my pants, and I let him.

Everything after I ran into the wall is a blur to me, and honestly I'm kinda glad. I do not want to remember last night. I just wanted to life my life as a simple virgin with the only mommy and daddy issues. I don't want this, I never wanted to loose my virginity to someone I don't love. I wanted first to mean something with someone I cared about, and I promise you Tommie is not that guy.

I have to get out of here. That's all that's on my mind right now. I hop out of the bed, and grab all of my clothes. As I finish shoving on my pants, I run to the door.

"Wait!" Shoot nuggets I said that out loud. Why now of all times does my mouth choose to speak randomly? "My socks..." I sigh and make sure Tommie is still asleep as I search for my socks. I look under the bed, under the drawer, and even in the drawer. Where the fudge is it?

Tommie starts shuffling in bed, "Screw it, I'm leaving." I dash out the door and once I get far enough I stop running and walk home.

I step onto my front porch and grab the key hidden in the old, broken flowerpot by the door. As I enter the house I head straight for the couch, all I want to do right now is sit here and watch Netflix. I chose a show, and let it start as I go to make some popcorn.

Once the popcorn is done I add the white chocolate chips and head back to the couch. I just want to forget about last night, not that I remember much anyways. I just want to forget about fighting with Jackson, I want to forget dancing with Tommie, and I want to forget that I lost my virginity to someone I don't even like.

Half way into How I Met Your Mother, my phone buzzes.

Jackson: Hey, you just disappeared. Why?

How do I tell him? Well, after we fought I hung out with Tommie, hit my head, and the next thing I knew I was in bed with him? No, I don't think so. I can't exactly lie to him either.

I set my phone down and focus on the T.V.. The best way to fix problems? Avoid them! That's my way of life.... Yeah not a great way, but it's my way.