Defiance • Bellamy Blake [1]

45. Survival of the Fittest

I laid there, staring at Bellamy's back. He was asleep but I wasn't. His back would always lift so slightly whenever he breathed and this little thing made me smile. I softly kissed his shoulder.

"I love you." I whispered.

"I love you too." I heard Bellamy say back.

My eyes widened in surprise and my lips parted. Bellamy rolled over and stared at me, a small smile playing on his lips.

"You're awake." I said.

"Have been for a while now." He informed me.

Before I could say anything else, Bellamy softly and delicately pressed his lips to mine. I melted at his touch, snaking my hand up behind his neck and gripping onto his hair. Bellamy wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me even closer to him, and making me smile into the kiss. God I loved him so much.

Bellamy pulled back and looked at me sadly. "I'm sorry."

I looked at him, genuinely confused. "About what?" I asked.

"Harley, wake up." A voice said.

My eyes opened and found myself staring at the ceiling. Confused, I looked beside me and saw that Bellamy was gone. I frowned, realizing that it was simply just a dream. I was really hoping that everything that happened last night wasn't real, and that Bellamy didn't actually leave me. Apparently not.

Reality sucks.

"Harley?" Someone called again.

I sat up, rubbing my eyes groggily, and saw Clarke crouching next to my bed.

"Yeah?" I asked shaking my head, trying to get the dream out of my head.

"We have a meeting with Lexa and the grounders. She's requested your presence." Clarke said.

"Well, I'm flattered. Let me just get dressed."

Clarke nodded her head. I waited for her to leave but she didn't. She looked upset, wringing her hands in front of her. I knew that she wanted to say something, and was trying to find the words to do so. 

"Is there something else you'd like to say?" I prompted. 

Clarke stood up and moved herself so that she was sitting next to me on my bed. Since I was taking up most of the space, I scooted over.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for sending Bellamy away even though I knew it's dangerous. I know how hard this must be for you."

"Thank you, for your apology. It's just so hard, because I might lose the only person I've ever loved more then you or Wells. And as much as I want to blame you, I can't. He wanted to go. He could've asked to stay. If anything, I'm more mad at him then you." I said, pausing for a moment and letting out a sigh. 

"What? What aren't you telling me?"

"I broke up with him. Well, technically we're on a break but it's the same thing."

"What, why?"

"I told him that I couldn't do it. I couldn't wait for him. It'd be too hard. He understood. But it still hurts, you know?"

Clarke was silent as she wrapped an arm around my shoulder. I breathed heavily, leaning my head against hers. I never knew that heartbreak could cause this much pain, and while a part of me thought I wouldn't feel this way if we were still together, I knew deep down that the pain would have been much worse if we were.