Remission

1.2

~Jennifer Hudson as Deedee's late mom~
Chapter 12:
It was October 25th and I didn't want to get out of bed to go to school. It has been 10 days since Dale had been in the hospital. That was not the reason why I wanted to stay in bed all day though. It has officially been 3 years since my mom had been out of my life because of that man I'm supposed to call my father. I didn't think so. It was because of him that everything I ever wanted had fallen apart and I didn't think I could be the happy person I used to be. Nobody understood how much my mom meant to me. She was so young and beautiful everyone thought we could have been sisters. Why did John have to take my mom away from me? He was the typical gaslighter. He had been cheating on my mom, but he always accused my mom of cheating on him. What sense did that make? I never understood it and I wanted answers that I'd probably never get.

I didn't move from my bed and I decided I wouldn't go to school. I spent the last twenty minutes thinking about my mom. I cried, but I didn't notice I was until I felt a tear drop fall on my leg. No one was going to change about not going to school. Kristy would understand why I wasn't in school; it's been the same for the past 3 years now. I was ready to go back to sleep when I heard a knock at the door and I knew it was James, but I chose to ignore it.

James knocked again then slowly opened the door. He had a shock look when he saw me. "Why are you still in bed? You have to go to school."

"I'm not going." I hoped that James would go away but my voice cracked because of my constant crying.

"What's wrong Sunshine?" He quickly sat down next to me on the bed. He wrapped his arms around me. His touch gave me warmth and I snuggled in his arms. His warmth would saturate into my being and he gave me comfort while never opening his mouth. I'd soften into him like frozen yogurt on a warm porcelain bowl, like I belonged next to James and like he had a place next to me. James let me cry in his arms until I was ready to speak. He was generous and he didn't push me to make me talk.

"It's October 25th, my mind is just all over the place and I'm a mess. I can't stop crying, I remember when I used to enjoy living, now I'm just like what's the point." James had a lot running through his head. I could see it on his face. He didn't want to say the wrong thing and I understood why.

"It's been three years, huh?" James tightened his grip around me.

I loved how James always knew when I needed to be comforted. I appreciated the littlest things and I couldn't hold back how I felt and broke down in James' arms. "I still feel so devastated and broken. I thought after a while that it wouldn't affect me as much, but it hurts more and more with each passing day. The worst part is it just feels like the pain deepens more year after year." I stopped hoping for the best. I felt like my life would never get better and that the pain would never go away. It hurt me knowing that my brother was in the hospital on this day because of John. How could I numb the pain?

"Without a doubt you'll feel pain, but it will get better. I won't promise you that it will be easy because it won't be, either but as time goes by you'll learn. As long as you have someone to talk to when the time comes the pain will lessen. Please don't ever keep your pain to yourself, you'll drive yourself crazy and you'll do things you'll regret. Trust me I've been down that road one too many times."

I wondered what James was talking about. This had been the second time he's mentioned something to me about regret, or something he's done because he chose not to communicate.The first time he mentioned it was right before Dewey called us to head to the hospital.

"You never told me what it was you did." James loosened his grip on me a little but he never let me go.

James looked down at me with a mixed look of confusion and nervousness in his face."I don't understand." I wondered why he could be nervous.