Story of the Past ~~ Avatar: TLA - REWRITING

6 - is About Thinking Too Hard

It was because he wasn't an airbender. He couldn't be accepted or chosen because he wasn't a real Air Nomad. He wasn't an airbender. Six year old Tenzin couldn't believe it. He looked to Nun Yaa and saw the pity in her face. He looked to Shangmu who looked shocked, and the rest of the boys had faces ranging between Emok and Yaa's face to Shangmu's. The boys began whispering to each other, pointedly looking at Tenzin. They all knew. He turned his head to Emok and squinted his eyes angrily at him and shrugged his hand off of his shoulder. Why did he say that? Loud enough for everyone to hear? Was he trying to embarrass him? He was his friend. Was. Tenzin ran out of the courtyard and could hear Shangmu call after him. He shouldn't even have friends, they were just pretending to like him so that they wouldn't hurt his feelings. No one would really want to be friends with the first non-bending Air Nomad in centuries. He ran back to the two sky bison his group flew in on. One bison belonged to Monk Buoh, their chaperone. Monk Buoh wasn't with his bison, Sikki, and so he climbed onto her neck and held the animals head as he cried. He cried as the other boys loaded themselves onto Sikki's saddle, and cried the whole way back to the Southern Air Temple. Shangmu tried to comfort him, but he refused his friend's help. Shangmu didn't deserve to be dragged down with him. He deserved to have fun with the other boys and to talk about his new bison with them. He deserved to have a best friend who was an airbender.

By the time they'd arrived at their home temple, Tenzin had finally stopped crying. But when he saw his father waiting for him on the ground, fresh tears came back and he began to hyperventilate. He couldn't tell his father. Rinzen would be ashamed, more than Tenzin was of himself. When Rinzen saw Tenzin, he had propelled himself onto Sikki's back and picked up his little son, and hurried home without a word. Rinzen rubbed his son's back and held him in his lap as he had his first panic attack. He asked for no explanation, he didn't try to give false encouragement, he was just there for his son. They had stayed in that position, on the floor of their small hut where Rinzen rocked his son, for many hours. Even after Tenzin had finally calmed from his frightening attack, his father just stayed there for him. When Tenzin woke up in the morning, he was curled up against his father on their sleeping mat. Although Rinzen traveled a lot, he always delivered when Tenzin needed him.

Tenzin exited the memory and could feel the tears streaming down his eighteen year old face. He had tried so hard not to revisit the memory he had constantly thought about throughout his life. He hated how sad it made him, how depressing it made him seem. Tenzin realized he really had no other personality. After what happened at the Eastern Air Temple, he had not been able to let his personality grow, and he no longer knew what it was. He was just a sad, anxious, lonely person with one friend, one mentor, and one father who cared about him in his life. What was there left for him? Everyone stayed clear from him because he wasn't an airbender, it was the only thing that made sense to him. How could he fix the way people treated him if he couldn't change the fact that he couldn't airbend? What else could he do? He didn't know how to improve his mood all the time. He just kept finding things that hurt him, that brought up memories. It felt like everyone was out to get him. He didn't know what to do.

Finally he looked around the sanctuary and saw that everyone was still meditating. They usually stayed for about an hour and a half, and that was when it was acceptable to leave; people could stay longer if they wanted to. A community breakfast was served everyday in the courtyard after meditation, where they had the option to stay or go. It was a way to spend time with everyone before the day began. With time to spare, Tenzin went back into meditation. This time, he needed to think about what he was supposed to learn from what Monk Kwan said.

"When the sky bison would not choose you, you expected people to start seeing you differently, because you started to see yourself differently. Then when the kids started to realize that you were the only non-bender here, you began to imagine hatred and nonacceptance in our people. That is not our way. If there are the occasional negative comment towards you, then they need to ask for forgiveness and mend their ways. You, most of all, need to realize this, so that you can move on and accept yourself."

It was not his imagination! Every time he saw a group of airbenders, they looked at him funny and he could tell that they would begin to talk about him. Even just this morning Emok threw that pile of straw at him! He was given the job at the bison stables just to get him out of the way and to give him something to do. And of course he began to see himself differently, very few Air Nomads have not been chosen by a sky bison, but when they try again another year they are usually chosen. He had tried for years, no matter how painful it was. It didn't matter how hard and how often he meditated and kept up his spiritual life, he still wasn't enough to get chosen. He still wasn't an airbender. And there seemed to be nothing to realize. Nothing he could do so that he could move on and accept himself. Unless he became an airbender. Being the only one of his kind was so difficult, he felt so alone and helpless. Like no one understood. And when the people he thought might understand kept throwing the Season at him, it made him feel worse and even more alone.

Tenzin shook his head and stood up; he was finished with his meditation. Today was supposed to be a new day, and he was depressing himself before it was even breakfast time. The younger boys had already run outside and were anxiously waiting for the breakfast meal of fruits, vegetables, nuts, and grains. "I couldn't help but notice you in there." Tenzin sighed and turned around to face Monk Kwan. "You thought about what I said?" Tenzin nodded, and in return Kwan nodded as well. "I sure hope you have helped yourself. Please come to me if you need to talk." Tenzin nodded again in agreement and Kwan laid his hand on his shoulder in a fatherly gesture, and turned back to the monks.

Tenzin made his way to the breakfast table and picked up a prepared plate and found a dry patch of grass beside the thick stone barrier surrounding the courtyard. He leaned against the short stone wall and ate a blue-strawberry. He closed his eyes and felt the sun on his face in rejuvenation and he loved the comfortable warmth. "This spot taken, sir?" He looked up and again the sun blinded him when Shangmu came to him. Tenzin squinted his light brown eyes furiously and Shangmu quickly stepped in front of the sun's light. "Sorry." Shangmu sat down with Tenzin and they ate peacefully together in silence. But that didn't last long. "So Monk Salo thinks I'm nearly ready to get my airbending tattoos," Monk Salo was Shangmu's caretaker, and airbending trainer. "I've got thirty-three of the levels learned, and he thinks that I should be able to get the next three done by the end of this year!" Tenzin's eyebrows raised, impressed. "Wow, Shangmu, that's quite young for an airbending master. I'm proud of you." He gave his friend a sincere smile and patted his back. Although he wished he was an airbender, he would never put his friend down with his disappointment in a happy time as this. His friend didn't make him who he was. "Thanks Tenzin. Will you come with me later? I want to show off my thirty-third level to you, Salo said it's the best technique he's ever seen." Tenzin chuckled at his friend's boasting but he agreed to go to the arena when he left the stables early.