Culture VS Religion: The battle for the hearts and minds of Somali youth

The rules

2. You must not appear to be a hoe. This rule is much trickier for you can live inside your home without seeing a single soul and still appear to be a hoe. Things that will get you labeled a hoe can be as minuscule as wearing pants, being seen talking to a young man by an older parent in the community, or another young lady/man who decides to slander your name. Whether any of this is entirely pointless for as long as a rumor is heard it is taken as truth by most young people I know. Critical thought when its comes to reputation is something not yet learned.

3. You must always keep relations with the same group of women. This rule is a secret rule that most young women learn the hard way. See you can not un-freind a girl. It does not matter whether you have valid reasoning or not. You must always be friends with same group of Somali girls for see reader if you decide to leave a group of girls they will tarnish your name, reputation , self- esteem and dignity you have acquired over the years. This in turn will ruin your eligibility.

4. You must be fair aka light skinned. The Somali community prides itself on the oneness and bond we share amongst us all. We are all one coutry; one ethnicity; one religion and one language. You would think this would breed tolerance and acceptance. But due to colonial infuences there is a big bad elephant sitting in the community. This elephant is aptly named " whitening ". To be eligible you must either by genetics or lotion be fair to be considered beautiful. If you are not fair this does not mean you cannot marry however it does decrease your social standing and overall eligibility.

5. You must be religious. This rule is more a prerequisite then a rule. For you can just say you are religious wear a long jilbab ( a large scarf worn by women who are more devoted to Allah) and be done with the whole thing. Since there is no way to prove someone is not religious anyone can claim this title.

6. You must be educated. This rule is a bit of a mirage. As a girl must always be seen to be able to be independent however she never actually has to use her education or in fact be telling the truth about being educated. As long as you appear to be educated (usually through making some quick commentary about world affairs on a social media account) then you are fine. I've had some female friends tell young men their studying Engineering even though they wouldn't have the slightest clue how to do high school mathematics.

This dear reader are the un-written rules to be considered to be an eligible Somali girl. The rules change depending on the region for example in Europe there is not much of an emphasis to be fair . However most of the rules are universal within our community.

Once I had became aware of the rules I began to doubt the process. My life since birth has been filled with Islamic education and Islam told me that you cannot slander a women let alone decide whether she was a " hoe" . You certainly cannot treat people based on their skin color as one of the basic tenants of Islam was that color nor creed have any sway on your standing before god but it was your piety that determined your standing. And you certainly cannot try to advocate yourself as a ' religious person' as one of the signs of a hypocrite was doing one thing and saying another. In Islam your actions speak for you not your social standing. This placed me in quite a predicament, if I wanted to be a part of my community and join the ' marriage games' I would have to adhere to the rules. However I was a devout Muslim and could not do some of the things asked of me. It was the first but not the last time I would be left with a bad taste in my mouth about the little games played in my community.