Choices

Control it

Animila's Pov ( Ehh screw timing. Just know it's a different day and week.)

"Claws, no claws, claws, no claws."

I keep retracting my claws. It keeps me calm. It keeps me busy. It keeps me distracted.

You wouldn't have to stay busy if that idiot didn't lock you up like a prisoner.

But he did it out of love. He's afraid you'll leave him.

But now you're stuck here with him and he's scary.

It's so lonely here.

He'll be here soon though and he'll make everything better.

"Shut up you stupid voices, you're not real." I whisper.

Ever since that day I healed myself these voices appeared. Each voice represents a different feeling. Instead of my heart being united with all my feelings in harmony, it's all separated.

Each feeling is a different side. Like a different personality. Well that's what I call them. And may I say it's quite confusing.

You wouldn't be like this if he didn't go crazy.

It's not his fault. His mind couldn't control the sudden power.

But he's all scary and evil now.

And you're all by yourself.

Everything is going to be fine. Don't worry.

"Uggh be quiet." I say.

I constantly hear their arguments in my head. But when I talk they decided to fight over who speaks. Especially when Alric is here.

Here's the thing. I at the moment have no feelings. So when I talk to him and it's just me, no emotion is present. Now let's say one of my "personalties" jump in, then I have that emotion.

So far the ones I've heard is Anger, Sympathy (if that is what you can call it), Fear, Lonely, and Hope. I'm surprised happiness didn't become a personality yet.

I hear my door open and I turn away from my claws and look. Alric walks in with my lunch.

It's him. You should attack him.

No he just want to make sure you're ok.

No he'll hurt you.

He's probably lonely.

He's ok.

I growl and shake my head.

"Hey Animila." Alric says.

I know he's worried for me. Especially since my mood changes so quick. He was very happy when he saw me recover from my illness but then he saw how my moods started becoming more seperated. How I seem less stable.

"Hi Alric." I reply.

He walks closer and puts the food in front of me.

"Thank you." I say.

"You're welcome." He replies.

Before I can say anything else I feel my head pounding. Oh great here we go again.

"Why don't you just leave already. I told you already I hate you." Anger says.

I'll call them their "names".

I see Alric's face twist with confusion.

"Oh I'm sorry you didn't do anything wrong. It's not your fault." Sympathy says.

"Don't hurt me. I'm sorry I yelled." Fear quivers.

"Please don't go, I'm so lonely." Lonely says.

"You won't leave though because we are friends." Hope says.

"Animila are you ok? You're doing it again." Alric asks with confusion present in his voice.

I shake my head clear and answer.

"I'm fine Alric. What do you mean?" I respond.

"Your mood changed five different times in a matter of a minute. This is not the first time." Alric says.

I can see him studying me. I am about to reply but the pain returns.

"I'm fine you idiot. So leave." Anger says.

"Oh no I did it again." Fear says.

"You're going to leave me." Lonely adds.

I give a low growl.

"Shut up all of you." I mumble.

"Animila...?" Alric says reaching out to touch me.

"Please leave Alric. I have a splitting headache. I promise I am fine." I say holding my head.

"Of course no problem." Alric says.

He turns and walks away. I see him look back at me with worry but leaves anyway.

Oh no he left.

He'll be back.

I hope he doesn't.

He's mad isn't he.

It's not his fault if he is.

I don't know how much more of this I can take. And on top of that because my feelings are not in harmony my original spell is still breaking. Though I'm not feeling the side affects I still know it. It needs a whole heart and sane mind to work.

I have neither.

Soon it will break and how insane I am now won't help me. It'll be horribly painful.

No I won't let it get to that. I'll control it. I am in control of my tricks. It doesn't control me.

I'll control it. I know it will.