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H E R
Never will I forget the way the steeple crashed against the fence of our haven.
Never will I forget the screaming as people realized just how false our sanctuary was, how they cowered and hid as walkers poured through our once tranquil streets.
Never will I forget the last time I saw Carl the way I remembered; when Rick told me to go with Father Gabriel and hold steady in the church with Judith. I turned to Carl and he lifted up the bloody bed sheet and slowly handed the silent toddler over to me. Our eyes met for the last time like that. His eyes, lit electric blue in the moonlight, claimed my own dull, brown ones.
Never will I forget the single glance we shared displaying our mutual fear of the future. Our fear of our surroundings. Our fear of one another.
Here's the thing about caring for someone: you are going to get hurt.
The way I felt about that boy scared me, honest to God. I was terrified that I had allowed myself to feel so much, especially in our certain circumstances, which weren't looking very good. I hadn't told him yet but I could tell by the way he looked at me that I didn't have to. He already knew. He finally got what he always wanted. Even if I pushed him away and pulled him close at the same time, over and over again. We both knew why. What I couldn't admit, what I couldn't say.
I felt that tug, in my chest, to be close to him for a moment longer. Like a thick cord pulling me in. Heart hammering against my rib cage, lips parted. He leant forward and pressed a kiss against Judith's head before lowering the sheet over her, turning his eyes then up to me, our faces close. His gaze searched my own, how he appeared so calm on the exterior but I knew his eyes. I knew his fear. I felt his fear.
Honestly, at this point, there was nothing he felt that I didn't.
"We'll be okay, Carl." I told him, although reassuring him wouldn't do much. But he gave a slow nod, trusting me.
His fingers brushed mine as I clung to his baby sister. His full bottom lip, chapped rose pink, trembled. The smell of rotting human flesh clung to us, but still I could catch his boyish scent in the air. "I'll see you soon." His voice came out low, barely a whisper.
The words had weight. Meaning. Too much for me. I thought about kissing him, how terribly cliche, he just looked so soft and vulnerable. But time was running out. Walkers were becoming aware of us. So instead, I only nodded a little and choked out, "Not if I see you first." And then I turned to Father Gabriel and we left.
