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H E R
I managed to tolerate life at Hilltop until Judith's arrival due to what I was told would be a planned fight in Alexandria which wasn't even what pushed me over the edge. It was a note pinned to the lining of her small coat that undid me. It was from Carl, stating that his father would not allow him to live away from Alexandria. That he promised to stay safe during what he said was an 'All Out War.'
I had stared at the small, crinkled piece of paper. And his boyishly terrible penmanship stared back at me. I traced the indent of each letter left behind by his heavy handed scrawl. There was a smudge at the top, along my name. Eleanor Maude. His thumb print had swept across while the ink was still wet. His touching of my name was almost reminiscent of a goodbye kiss.
Suddenly, I was putting together the meager contents of my pack.
"This is me figuring something out." I told her. Since my stay at Hilltop wasn't planned, I had only brought some basic necessities. The last several days I had been borrowing clothes from Enid's drawer. Remembering that, I shrugged off her jacket and handed it to her.
She pushed it back towards me. "No. You're being ridiculous. Tell me, what were the results from the doctor?"
I paused, turning my face and focusing hard on my backpack that sat basically empty on the kitchen table.
"Tell me."
"My health is shitty, okay? It's been shitty since I got sick at the prison and it's been even more shitty since Glenn had to restart my heart. But, like, I don't know, somehow I just won't die. It's kind of been my quirk."
"This isn't funny, dumbass. Oh, my God. I can't even look at you right now."
"E, stop, it's no big deal."
"Nothing is ever a big deal to you. No. Nothing matters because you're too afraid to care." Enid's ability to call me out never ceased to impress me. How she noticed things, saw through my transparencies. Perhaps that's how we had grown so close in such a short amount of time.
"Honestly, Enid. I'm okay. He loaded me up with pills and vitamins and shit, I'm not worried at all."
Enid scoffed. "Right, the only thing you're worried about is Carl."
The immediate hurt I felt at her assumption was nothing compared to the hopelessness that doused me as I had no defense because it was true. Still she had crossed the line with that and from the look on her face she knew it. She stepped back, preparing for an outburst. But I was not forged in fire, I did not have rebutting words on the tip of my tongue. I was not my strong willed and well spoken Carl. I fell short with no excuses, no explanations.
