f o u r t e e n: sunny days
i had a sunny day today,
where i walked around with a smile that
didn't seem to dim like the patter
of rain you made my week
ravage with,
and i can't wait to show you
how i've healed a little inside
and for once,
it wasn't because of a warm body
or precious gifts
or your crooked grin,
but because i wanted to.
i have accepted that i
may never learn to love
as deeply or trust as greatly
because of you and because i'm
still too weak to try,
but i also believe i will get stronger,
just a little stronger,
enough to pick my pieces up
when they break apart,
and that is enough for my
days to be a little brighter.
i am still abusing my heart,
striking it with blows hard enough to
damage it forever,
but what are a little more scars
if it means i will never be
that hurt again?
my sunny day was a rose in a vase
a rose i bought a few days ago,
the same bright glow that still throbbed and bled
and my own organs seemed to
understand that if a living thing
is nurtured just enough,
then it doesn't have to die,
and that is what i will do.
i will have my sunny days and my rainy
days and my small bouts of hurricane's,
but like the weather,
i am unpredictable,
i am unstable,
i am going to learn to be okay and not okay
but i am going to live knowing maybe, one day,
my sunny days will not be forecasted
with a rain of tears,
and that is more than i ever thought
could be predicted before.
