t h i r t e e n: bloody lies
blood red lips,
you used to love them,
enough that you
would bite and pucker
and soil them with your own
and the lipstick would smear
until it was gone,
but the blood red
color wouldn't be because
of the l'oreal tube in
my pocket.
now my lipstick is
as untouchable as you've
become,
as our relationship had been,
riddled with nonuse.
and the ghost of your lips,
the taste of your mouth,
the smell of citrus cologne
are all i have left of what we were,
and it breaks me down more
than the unknown boys',
a different one who takes me
to a home i do not know,
who inject into me poisonous hurt.
i still smile sometimes,
that you cannot take away
from me,
even if it's fleeting,
and there's this slight second of peace that
i feel every morning,
when the bliss of ignorance
veils my clouded judgement,
until i open my eyes and
see that the body next to me
is never you,
and i hope that one day i'll learn
to stop hoping
to see the contours of your body,
because god knows i've
had enough disappointment
to last a lifetime.
we were toxic,
and i knew that we would only
end as any nuclear environment can;
burned, charred and ruined,
but nothing i do rubs
away the pain that aches
like a fire in my
bones,
the after effects of acid
still coursing in my blood cells,
and the only blood that we share
between us is the
bad, scarred, torn strings
that our heart strings can't pump.
but i should've noticed
that while mine was depleting,
yours was filling,
because you didn't give me
an ounce,
but you drained
all of mine,
and my heart can't pump anymore,
and neither will it ever feel again.
