Inadequate Without You

Chapter (1)

"Its been a two months get a hold of yourself!" my mother all but yelled. 

        Its been hard for all of us these past two months but diving in the third month it seemed like everyone was already moving on, as if Megans death was just some tragic that could be forgotten with a few plastered smiles and a girls night with friends. Or at least that's what my mom thought. 

"Sure, I'll get a hold of myself." I said bitterly, "I'll just pretend like Megan didn't exist, it seems to work perfectly fine with you, right?" I plastered up a fake smile and finally looked my mom in the eyes. 

        In all honestly I was sick and tired of her constant nagging and attempts to get me to open up. I don't need to open up to anyone, especially not her. The one person that made me sick to my stomach whenever I heard her laugh on the phone or come back home with arms full of shopping bags. 

"Just because you're heartless, doesn't mean I am," the words slipped out of my mouth, something that has been happening a lot lately. I seem to have lost my filter and urge to hold back every thought of mine since Megans' death.

        My mother was taken back by what she claims 'is my way of coping' but took a deep breath instead of defending herself, which was unusual for her. 

Megan had taken that from her, she was the filterless one, the hot tempered and confident one. I, on the other hand, took after my dad. I was always the quiet one, the one that would never dream of hurting your feelings. But now, that girl was long gone. She died along with Megan. Now, I didn't care about what anyone thought, I put up a barrier between me and any human being I interacted with. 

"School is starting up in three weeks, just keep that in mind," my mother finally spoke, sternly. 

        I rolled my eyes, because that was totally on my list of priorities. My mom took one look at me, with my blonde hair dishevelled, like its been for the last two months, and my eyes dark and droopy and shook her head disapprovingly. 

"Honey, I care about you. I really do. That's why I need you to understand that life doesn't stop for anyone; not even you. You have to accept the fact that Megan" she took a deep breath before continuing, "that Megan will never come back."

My heart stung at the sound of the word never, it took me a while to recollect myself before I mustered up another sarcastic reply which earned another disapproving look from my mother as she left me alone. 

        When I was sure my mother wasn't still standing outside my door, like she's been doing lately, I rolled myself up in my bed, tugged on my blanket for the life of me and let the tears stream down my face. This was a normal occurence and it calmed me down, for a while of course, until i accidentaly passed by a mirror and caught a glimpse of myself and curled up again. It wasn't the best way of coping, but it was quite frankly all I had. 

~

"Can I come In?" My fifteen-year old brother, Jason, called from behind my door.

"Mhm," I practically whispered but it was enough for him; because in seconds my room door was bolted open.

"Drive me to the mall." He stated

"I'm fine, thanks for asking." I replied sarcastically.

"Hey, you think I want to go to the mall. I'm doing this for you,"

I rolled my eyes at his unsuccessful cover up.

"What happened to the casual, wanna go hang out at the mall with me?" I said, my voice was muffled due to the fact that I was still under my covers.