Her, Saving Grace

33

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Damon

The best part about knowing someone's death, is that you get to prepare yourself emotionally.

Something Catherine didn't get the chance to do when she saw Ellie.

Benjie already told me this would happen. And maybe in my own little way, I wanted to spare her the pain, keep her mind off Ellie even for just a couple of hours. It was the wrong move to make, I knew  from the look she gave me when she found out that I knew. During that one brief moment, I thought she hated me.

Words failed me while she sat there, holding Ellie's hand. I found it difficult to breathe and I didn't know why it scared me.

It scared me more than the first time I saw nasties near the playground I used to go to when I was a kid. It was like loosing a woman that was close to me all over again.

And I didn't understand why. I still don't.

I don't want her to hate me. Right now, she's all that I have. And that realization scared the hell out of me.

But then I was made by someone with a piece of hell with him. I couldn't help who I am.

Ellie's funeral service only lasted for two days, not because she had no living relative that we knew of, but because Catherine and I saw no point on mourning over her when we both knew she was happy with Benjie.

The last poker night was his farewell party and he spent it sneaking out and visiting Ellie.

I know Catherine's still trying to figure things out and she would  look at me, as if she was thinking of something else entirely. Like she was trying to figure me out.

She was trying. And I get these short panic attacks whenever I think about it too much. But she would hold my hand, and it would make me slow down. She helps me get myself together. It's been awhile since I lost someone, so everything felt like the first time. The feelings and the worry about what I'm going to do now.

I think that's how she feels .

It's when she could talk to people,  but there would be that part of her that she keeps all to herself. Not because she's closing in on them, but because she's too afraid to hand that fragile piece of her to someone.

Whoever he is, he's one lucky bastard.

She went back to the apartment to sort Ellie's things and decided that we should bring them to a church for charity. That's what Ellie would've  wanted us to do. A lawyer would be coming over at our apartment to discuss about her other properties.

The doctor told us that she had heart complications and nobody really saw it coming. That was why Benjie was always nearby.

We  were given a certain time period on a person's passing, but never the exact date. That way, there's no chance of someone cheating death.

You see, humans have this mind-set that makes 'em think they can, when all they're doing is delaying it. Nobody could escape death. Unless you're the big Guy.