The Girl With The Yellow Umbrella

t h r e e

March 11th, 2015
Wesley

Okay, this is going to be easy.

Don't be nervous, they'll totally be okay with this.

I mean, there isn't anything wrong with it.

I'm benefiting a family who can't have a baby.

Just be...cool.

I weakly knocked onto the cheap looking apartment door as I awaited for an answer or for my father to come out with some type of shot gun. He was always too scared or nervous when people came into his house. I guess I got that trait from him.

The door slightly opened, showing the chain which was the only reason the door hadn't fully opened. He looked at me and my surroundings to make sure I hadn't brought anyone else.

He couldn't even trust me. I swear he's going crazy.

"What's you doin here?" He asked rapidly.

"Dad, hey. Can I come in? I wanted to talk to you and Tristan," I replied as I rubbed my hands against each other for warmth. This apartment building was always freezing cold and in bad condition, even when I was a child.

He finally unlocked the entire door and let me in. Nothing had changed, like nothing. I bet that cup that was resting on top of the counter had been there since I was in high school. I'm truly happy as I come in that I don't live in this environment anymore.

"What's you wanna talk about? I'm busy...I have things to do." He was fidgeting uncontrollably and constantly kept moving items and then putting them back to its original spot. Moving back and forth across the small space over and over again.

He's always been like this. Ever since my mother had left him. Left us.

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to have a baby," I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I guess I was scared but there's nothing he would've done to change my mind.
The scary part was that he didn't seem fazed by what I said. He just kept fidgeting and moving and touching things and sitting and getting back up and talking to himself in a hushed tone and my dad has become a complete mental case.

"Did you hear what I said? Dad, I'm having a baby. It's mine but it's technically not mine. It's going to be this couple's child. They're really nice. I bet you'd like them. They're gay too but that doesn't matter, right?" I kept rambling on and on even though I knew he probably wasn't listening.

"Is Tristan here?"

"No...no. She at work now," he finally responded while he kept moving the table for it to be on the perfect position. It was annoying really but I've lived with it for a long time now.

"You understand why I'm doing this, right dad? I wouldn't just give up my child for no reason. I just...we really need the money. I could get like $40,000 and that could help us."

At this point I didn't even know why I kept talking because I know there was no use. He would never listen, he would never really communicate with me or anyone for that matter.

"You done? Can you get out please?" He was almost shivering in front of me, basically begging me to just leave.

"But dad, I came here to see you. I wanted to talk-" But he cut me off.

"Please get out. Give up", he said breathlessly like he had just ran a marathon.

I stared at him in shock. Give up? He wants me to give up?

"No, I will not give up on you. Maybe I hope too much or maybe I dream too much. Maybe I just love you too much to just give up on you because you'll always be my dad. You'll always be the one who raised me," I told him with my head held high.

Years of agony and sadness and pity and everything in between will be over. I will make this family happy again even if that meant leaving the one thing that was apart of me. I don't know how other women are able to do this but this wasn't a choice anymore.

I just had to.

"Tell Tristan what I told you please. I know she'll be mad but she's going to have to get over it too," I huffed in annoyance before finally making my departure.

I did not want to be here when my older sister finds out even though my dad's most likely not going to remember this conversation at all.

Or the fact that I'm going to be giving birth to my baby and giving it away.