New World [Gay Chandler Riggs/1D fusion fanfic]

Chapter 29

Chandler's POV

"Ana, can we talk?" I asked Cole's sister as I found her talking to that soldier that Cole works with. Ana nodded and walked with me "What's up?" "I want us to be alright, I don't want to force Cole to choose between you and I; I want us to find some common ground somewhere" I said "I couldn't ask Cole to choose between his family and me". Ana looked at me "That's...very mature, and I agree; it's obvious that Cole is crazy about you. Let's talk over breakfast".

"Where is Cole anyway?" Ana said as we went back to where we slept and shared a can of franks and beans. "I don't know, he just left this note that said that he would be out with Jordan and would be back by lunch" I said as I sat across from her.

Ana nodded and changed the subject "I'll be honest Chandler, the reason I don't like you is that I'm afraid that you'll hurt my brother. Cole is a total flower child and you're...you have this look in your eyes that I'd expect from a survivor in this messed up world". I nodded "You're not wrong...let me tell you a story Ana...please don't interrupt because if I stop I don't think I can started again". Ana slightly tilted her head as she nodded

I sighed "To this day I feel so conflicted about him. When we first met: I kept trying to ignore him, to blow him off, but he wouldn't leave; he was worming his way into my heart and the thought terrified me, it still does whenever I think about it. I don't want to get close to anyone, to care about anyone, for my own sanity. When Candy, my little sister, died it tore me apart and I'm still was trying to put myself back together; it I lost someone for a second time...I don't think I would ever recover" I said as I picked at my food.

I cleared my throat before I went on "Right after Candy died, I tried to die; I would approach walkers and just stand there, but I could never go through with it and at the last second I would kill them. I later tried to use my knife and slit my wrists...but I couldn't. I became angry with myself, angry that I couldn't protect my sister, angry that I was too scared to die and pay for my sins, angry that I was alone". "Anger eventually became the only emotion I could feel; until one day I just stopped feeling and just became a robot, moving and surviving but not really alive".

I looked Ana directly in her eyes as I said "I watched people die in front of me and just accepted it; I watched families leave behind grandparents to the walkers because they were too slow to run away. I watched a man throw a small child to the walkers as a distraction so he and the woman he was with could escape; when the woman screamed and yelled in protest he just left her there as well. I watched this scene from the third floor of an apartment building I was staying at and the only thing I did was close the windows to muffle the screams of the child and the woman". Ana's eyes went wide and she broke eye contact as I told her this.

I took a bite of my food "But then one day, everything changed. I was checking out a Superstore to grab more supplies when I see this cute idiot run out with two dogs and started making enough noise to wake the dead; which is of course, exactly what happened".

I started chuckling as I replayed the memory in my head "And then that idiot runs around like a lost chicken before going into a closet and using a broomstick as a weapon against walkers; you should have seen it, you would have started laughing as hard as I did". I was actually laughing by the end of the story. "That cute idiot was named Cole and he reminded me how to be a person".

I looked at Ana again who still wasn't looking at me which quickly killed my laughter; in a more serious voice I said "I would never hurt Cole because if I did, then I would be hurting myself; hurting the part of me that made me human again. I know Cole wants to take our relationship to the next level but...Ana I'm terrified of falling in love and it's happening against my will. Life was easier when I didn't give a damn about anyone else, it was cold and lonely, but easy".