Increase the Medication

Mausoleum Kisses

I spent the next week thinking about what happened between Frank and I. Sure he was cute, but not someone I could see myself with. Trivial high school relationships aren't my thing, remember?

Anytime he approached me in school, we acted like nothing had ever happened. It was nothing but casual sex, why should we act any different?

"Hey, Faye."

Gerard waved from the bottom of the tree as I walked out with my lunch tray. I dropped my bag and flopped down Indian-style.

"Hey Gerard. Cigarette?" I offered a slim cancer stick to my friend, lighting it as he slipped it between his lips.

I lit my own and inhaled. "So how's the gang today?" I questioned, wrapping my black flannel around my shoulders. The ending of fall was nearing, and you could feel the daunting winter bite.

Nobody answered me. Whatever. I took another drag off my cigarette and watched Gerard as he drew in his sketchbook. Sometimes the way the light caught his face made him seem so innocent, almost angelic. Even if he had a burning cigarette poised between his fingers.

I dug through my school bag and got out a tattered blue notebook and a pen. It was empty except for a few algebraic formulas that had lines through them when I fucked them up. I opened to an untouched page and started writing.

F: when was the last time you drank??

I passed the notebook to Gerard. He put his cigarette between his lips and started writing back.

G: just last night.. don't be mad!

F: im not mad gerard.

G: i feel like you are though

F: no. just go back to your art. today is a new day.

G: I need to talk to you after school, ok?

F: uh yeah. sure. meet me at the cemetery at like 3:30? I want to run home and get my bowl

G: no problem

I took my notebook back and put it into my bag. I dumped my tray and when I turned around, Frank's face was almost in mine. We were far enough away from the guys that he didn't need to be super hush-hush.

"I want to know when we can do that again, beautiful," he said in a low, seductive voice.

"Never. It was a one-time thing," I replied, brushing the hair from my eyes and tugging at the bottom of my flannel.

"Come on, Faye! That was fucking amazing. It needs to happen again."

"It was amazing because we were on drugs,"

I said, pushing past him.

The rest of the day melted away like my cigarette filters. When I finally got to leave the building, I quickly walked home.

Mom wasn't home, as per usual. I walked upstairs and took the bowl and weed from my nightstand, tucking it into my school bag. I left the house again, making my way to the cemetery a few blocks away.

Gerard was at the mausoleum waiting for me with a cigarette in his hand.

I say on the dried brown grass and packed my bowl, borrowing Gerard's lighter to light it.

"So what'd you need me for?" I asked, exhaling.

"Well, uh.. Frank told me. About you guys. The thing you did," he said sadly.

"Did he tell you we were both on drugs? Gerard if you're upset about that, I can assure you it will never happen again. I told him earlier it was a one-time thing."

I hit the bowl again, offering it to Gerard. He took it and gave me his cigarette in return.

"Well, it just kind of upsets me is all. I feel like it's not right of you to come out of nowhere from Florida and fuck my friends," Gerard said.

"Ok, first of all, drugs. Second of all, I'm not here to fuck your friends. Or you, for that matter. My goal is not to have sex with anyone. Why are you so pissed about this anyways? Haven't you ever made a drunken mistake?" I demanded, getting a little angry.

His cheeks went red. "Yeah, actually. I have. A few. I'm sorry, ok?"

"Apology fuckin' accepted. Now get off my back about it."

Gerard passed the bowl back to me, and I smoked the rest of it.

"Can I be honest with you?" he asked.

"I would prefer you did," I said.

"The reason I'm so upset about it is because I like you, Faye."

I tapped the ash onto the ground and put my bowl away. I felt a few raindrops on my head.

"And I like you, Gerard. But like I said, I'm not here to fuck you or your friends."

The raindrops fell harder now.

"You didn't have a problem fucking Frank!"

We both stood up. This was getting on my nerves. Did he not understand that I had been high? I mean, I realise being high didn't necessarily excuse my actions, but also didn't release me from any self control I claimed to have. I could easily have not had sex with Frank. I chose to. I just felt that maybe defending my decision by claiming I had no self-control would make Gerard feel even a smidge better.

At this point, the rain began coming down as hard as it could.

"If you're so jealous, why don't you fucking do something about it?" I yelled, grabbing him by his jacket collar and slamming him against the mausoleum wall.

"Maybe I fucking will!" Gerard yelled back.

He flipped the situation around so that I was pressed against the mausoleum.

"Pussy," I muttered. I could feel his breath against my face, and see the little clouds of carbon dioxide from the cold of the rain.

"Fuck you," Gerard hissed, kissing me.