Kansas Summer

The Epiphany

             I watch the nurses and doctors do their dirty work from the safety of the glass that separates me and the operating room.  The nurse had explained to me what the procedure was: they were to rapidly drain her stomach and intestines to rid Jenna’s body of as much of the lethal dosage as possible.  While the procedure seemed simple, the finish would be the part to worry about.  No one seems optimistic.

            Alyse’s diary lays closed on my lap.  I hesitate; it seems like a violation of privacy to be reading someone else’s thoughts, but it was a gift, wasn’t it?  I hesitantly open the sacred book, unsure of the things I will discover. 

Behind the front cover, I find a stylized signature that reads “Alyse Nicole Bauer”.  The name looks like it was written by a middle schooler, which makes me smile a little.  I almost miss the heart with my name inside of it.  Even that curls my lip a tiny bit.  I turn the page.

September 5, 1994

Dear Diary,

Today was the first day of being a freshman, and my resolution for this year is to keep a diary of everything that happens in high school.  I know it sounds like a lot, but I feel that will make me a better writer.  Speaking of which, that’s what I want to be when I grow up.  I want to be a published author and travel the country, even the world, on tour, signing my name proudly for each enthusiastic fan of mine.  It will be special because I will be leaving a piece of myself with them, something that they will treasure for the rest of their lives.

But I don’t know if that will ever happen.  I do think I’m an okay writer, but I don’t know if anyone else thinks that.  People don’t ever think about anything other than farming and living ‘til death in this lonely corner of the country called Goodland, Kansas.  There’s a mentality here that no one can be famous.  It’s not that it isn’t possible, it’s just that no one has.  And because no one has, no one cares.  Well, I’m going to change that.  I will be famous for something.  I want people to know that I, Alyse Nicole Bauer, am not afraid to make a name for myself.

            September 7, 1994

                        Dear Diary,

                        I don’t know where I should begin.  Things have happened so fast.  Good things, I think.  I’ve finally found someone to inspire me to write.  I won’t make it easy for you to guess.  He has shaggy brown hair, beautiful auburn eyes that are strong like fire, but sweet as chocolate.  I’ll bet that sounded poetic, didn’t it?  I told you that that guy inspired me to write.  He’s not the smartest person, but not dumb either.  Kinda tallish, but I don’t think he’s done growing yet.  It makes me feel light inside of me just imagining him.   If you haven’t guessed by now, I’m talking about the one and only Colin King. 

                        Yeah, he is the son of the Co-Op owner, but there’s just something different about him.  Something that makes him tick differently from all of the other boys I know.  I don’t know what it is, but I will be sure to find it.  Anyway, it’s getting late, and my dad will kill me (no, literally) if I stay up too late.  Hopefully I will have a poem written by tomorrow so that I can share it with you and only you.

            September 8, 1994

                        Dear Diary,

                        It took a long time, but I think I have a poem written.  It took me the whole school day, but I am convinced that it is perfect.  Here goes: