Paperboy. (h.s. au)

29.

Stop thinking about him.

Stop thinking about him.

Stop thinking about him.

For a week, besides work, all I've done is try to settle. I've paced, baked, read, and done pretty much anything I could to distract myself from what has been happening on the inside. I even bought a mat so I can do yoga once I'm not crippled.

I've transferred from a little anxious to so anxious I might implode. Thankfully, my mother has just gone out to get my new drugs. Yay.

Harry has tried to see me a few different times- and by a few different times, I mean almost every day. I've given him some excuse each time he asked to see me.

Some might call me crazy, and well, they're right.

I'm also absolutely horrified. In about a month and a half, one person has flipped my life upside down and turned it backwards. Now usually, I can do this all by myself. But no. I had help this time. And I like it.

We've even kissed. A lot! We confessed that we have feelings for each other! And then kissed some more! I feel bad for rejecting seeing Harry the way I have been, but I really can't take how scared I am.

All I know is this: feelings turn into something stronger. Those then turn into love. Love, as it seems, turns to shit.

And I'm in no position to throw myself into that.

I mean, yeah. I guess I kind of like Harry. And I guess he kind of likes me too. And he's a great guy and I'm not sure if he could hurt me if he tried...but you never know.

And love turns to shit.

Even in movies, the ones with the happiest of endings, you never know what happens after the movie ends(Unless you're watching The Notebook). There's no way to tell what's going to happen in a relationship. You either get married or break up. I'm not ready for either of those.

Harry and I aren't even dating, no. But if we keep up whatever we are, it will end up that way. Unless I mess up, which I most definitely will. Hell, I'm probably messing up right now by avoiding him. He doesn't need this. I should just let him pull away and deal with a little bit of sadness before I get emotionally attached.

As if I'm not already.

My phone starts to ring. Speak of the devil.

Trembling a little, I pick it up. I stare at the name and the picture of Harry on the screen. It was from a few weeks ago when we were in the park. We were walking down the sidewalk and I took a picture of him before he could notice. It's probably the most beautiful thing, he's smiling down at the ground with his cute dimples and cute curly hair and all his cuteness. The sun shines down on him so the shadow of his eyelashes sticks out.

I accept.

"Hello." I greet the paperboy.

"Robin, hi." He sounds suspicious. His hi had two syllables rather than one.

"Hiii..." I'm nervous about what he might say. Maybe he's about to tell me he doesn't want to see me anymore..maybe he took my avoidance as a disliking towards him.

"What's up with you lately?" I try not to become offended because I brought this all upon myself.

"Nothing's up." I speedily reply. Too speedily.